© 2002 Jamie Zawinski <jwz@jwz.org>

I was having dinner at a fairly swank, pricey restaurant, and availed myself of the facilities. Staring down into the urinal I couldn't help but notice a slogan staring back up at me: ``Say No To Drugs!'' printed on the rubber urinal-cake holder.

Which I found puzzling.

So as I was standing there I kept trying to follow the money in this transaction: the restaurant had to pay for the urinal deodorant, obviously. So these particular ones must have been cheaper for some reason. Do manufacturers of cleaning products get a federal grant if they print War On Drugs propaganda on their wares? Does the restaurant get a tax break for placing a ``public service announcement'' in a (ha!) conspicuous public area? (Pubic area?) In what way is the deluded notion that seeing a vague feel-good slogan beneath a puddle of pee might affect my behavior costing me money as a taxpayer? Was it some kind of attempt at Pavlovian conditioning? Were we to subconsciously associate the relief of "no longer needing to go" with this message? What Would Freud Do?

Then it occurred to me that I was standing there pissing on Nancy Reagan's life work, and that made me feel better about it.

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