doggie day care.
© 1998 Jamie Zawinski <>

After the fire, the view outside my window had been altered rather dramatically, as three warehouses were transformed into one warehusk, plus a large, empty lot full of scorched rubble.

On the other side of this lot opened a grand new vista, that of Freelon Street, the opposing alley.

Across Freelon Street is another row of warehouses, one of which I found quite odd. It was a large, bright yellow building, with a twenty foot wide bright green roll-up garage door. That in itself wasn't all that odd; what was odd was that during the day, when the garage door was open, one could see something inside this warehouse which looked for all the world like a house: a slanted-roofed suburban house. Was it some kind of kids' play house? Some eccentric art project? And was that actually a wrought-iron fence across the front of the garage door, eliminating any potential use as an actual garage?

After a time, I could resist no longer, and went over and had a look. The sign, not visible from my previous vantage point, explained all.

A man walked up with his dog. A woman came through the gate in the wrought-iron fence. She leaned down and greeted the dog. Then she stood up and greeted the man. Just like at a human day-care.

Now, I'm sorry, but that's going just a little bit too far.

I don't condone cruelty to animals; people shouldn't have pets if they're not going to take care of them, and give them a good home. But look, sitting around the house being bored is just part of a dog's lot in life! It's what they do! It's their own damned fault for not having opposable thumbs! What, is Fido going to get bored? Is that before or after Fido rolls around in his own excrement?

These are the End Times, and Doggie Day Care is surely one of the signs of the coming Apocalypse. When something like this comes to pass, it's evidence that your culture is headed for the brink. As far as I'm concerned, this is a level of decadence worthy of the last days of the Roman Empire, this is our analogue of orgies and vomitoria. This is too much.

I expect a feline psychotherapist to open up around here soon.

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