Chimp jailbreak goes poorly

Four chimpanzees, one of which is wounded, were on the loose inside a building in a Swedish zoo on Thursday, a day after they escaped from their enclosure. Three others have been shot dead.

Swedish officials and media said the wounded animal had not received veterinary attention because no one could safely get inside the building at Furuvik zoo.

The chimps were inside the monkey house but staff had not been able to get the three uninjured ones back into their enclosure, the animal park said in a statement. The wounded animal returned to its enclosure on its own. [...]

The animals escaped on Wednesday, prompting the zoo to alert the authorities. Three chimps were shot dead by staff and the fourth was wounded. The zoo told Swedish media that the animals had to be killed because there was not enough tranquilliser for all of them.

The animals were well known in Sweden, and their deaths have provoked anger:

Researcher Mathias Osvath, who knew them for several years, insisted they posed no real danger. "If I'd met them in the park my pulse would have risen but I wouldn't have been afraid for my life. It's a tragedy," he told the BBC. [...]

The zoo is currently closed for the season so members of the public were not present, but zoo officials said the escaped animals still posed a threat and staff were evacuated or ordered to stay indoors. [...]

A former caretaker, who worked with the animals for 30 years, accused the zoo of acting unprofessionally. "I think they panicked," Ing-Marie Persson told public broadcaster SVT.

On Friday, the zoo confirmed the identities of two of the dead chimpanzees, Linda and Torsten. A third was also confirmed dead and another feared dead - they were named as Santino and Manda.

After years spent researching the chimpanzees, cognitive zoologists from the University of Lund have now suspended their co-operation with the zoo.

"I knew them personally, I would say. I've hugged Manda, I've kissed Linda and I've had tugs of war with Santino," said Mathias Osvath, who pointed out the chimpanzees had broken out of their enclosure many years ago, when there were visitors inside the zoo.

Santino was well known beyond Sweden for his artistic skills and was reported to be a favourite of Sweden's Crown Princess Victoria.

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So, what's up with monkeypox?

The scene at SF General on Friday afternoon was grim. "There's 200-300 gays here," my friend texted me. "I didn't think there were this many gays left in SF. It's like the worst circuit party ever."

The hospital was mobbed by people hoping to fit into the absurd two-hour window for receiving the Jynneos monkeypox vaccine, which San Francisco is in woefully short supply of. Others report still waiting more than a week for a call back about receiving the vaccine.

The U.S. May Be Losing the Fight Against Monkeypox, Scientists Say:

As epidemics go, the monkeypox outbreak should have been relatively easy to snuff out. The virus does not spread efficiently except through intimate contact, and tests and vaccines were at hand even before the current outbreak.

Yet the response in the United States has been sluggish and timid, reminiscent of the early days of the Covid pandemic, experts say, raising troubling questions about the nation's preparedness for pandemic threats. [...]

"Why is it so hard for something that's even a known pathogen?" asked Anne Rimoin, an epidemiologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who first warned of monkeypox outbreaks more than a decade ago. "How many more times do we have to go through this?" [...]

The obstacles to preparedness are systemic, at every level of government, rather than because of any one individual or agency, Dr. Rimoin and other experts said.

Even as the coronavirus pandemic drags into its third year, the public health system in the United States remains a hamstrung patchwork, an underfunded bureaucracy seemingly incapable of swift and forceful action. Its shortcomings have persisted for decades, through many administrations.

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Apartheid Emerald Mine Space Karen has a new gig: Monkey Vivisectionist

15 of 23 Monkeys with Elon Musk's Neuralink Brain Chips Died:

"Pretty much every single monkey that had had implants put in their head suffered from debilitating health effects," said the PCRM's research advocacy director Jeremy Beckham. "They were, frankly, maiming and killing the animals."

Neuralink chips were implanted by drilling holes into the monkeys' skulls. One primate developed a bloody skin infection and had to be euthanized. Another was discovered missing fingers and toes, "possibly from self-mutilation or some other unspecified trauma," and had to be put down. A third began uncontrollably vomiting shortly after surgery, and days later "appeared to collapse from exhaustion/fatigue." An autopsy revealed the animal suffered from a brain hemorrhage.

The PCRM filed a complaint with the the US Department of Agriculture on Thursday, accusing UC Davis and Neuralink of nine violations of the Animal Welfare Act. "Many, if not all, of the monkeys experienced extreme suffering as a result of inadequate animal care and the highly invasive experimental head implants during the experiments, which were performed in pursuit of developing what Neuralink and Elon Musk have publicly described as a 'brain-machine interface,'" the group wrote in the complaint. [...]

Musk said in December that Neuralink hoped to start human testing this year.

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Monkey Dump

Truck with 100 monkeys crashes in PA, some of them missing:

DANVILLE, Pa. (AP) -- A truck carrying about 100 monkeys was involved in a crash Friday in Pennsylvania, state police said as authorities searched for at least three of the monkeys that appeared to have escaped the vehicle.

The truck carrying the animals crashed with a dump truck in the afternoon in Montour County. The truck had been on its way to a lab.

I have heard this story before, and the first time it was called Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.

But more importantly: are the fungible? ARE THEY FUNGIBLE??

CDC: All my apes are gone:

The shipment of monkeys was en route to a CDC-approved quarantine facility after arriving Friday morning at New York's Kennedy Airport from Mauritius, the agency said.

The location of the lab and the type of research for which the monkeys were destined weren't clear, but cynomolgus monkeys are often used in medical studies. A 2015 paper posted on the website of the National Center for Biotechnology Information referred to them as the most widely used primate in preclinical toxicology studies.

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WHAT IF....? Odin had kidnapped a baby from Planet of The Apes instead of Jotunheim?

Official TVA mugshots:

I know it's kind of simple, but hey, Bootie does not deserve my A game. Or my B or C game, frankly. Someone wearing a $16 taco costume won their contest. A taco.

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Today in Nut Heist News

California man stole 42,000 pounds of pistachios:

Nuts are an ideal high-priced items to steal and resell because unlike electronic devices, pistachios don't have serial numbers -- making them virtually untraceable. [...]

Thieves have used forged documents, fake companies and computer hacking to pose as legitimate truckers. Similarly, the thieves are also able to sell off the product to retailers, who are none the wiser about who is actually receiving the money. [...]

When detectives inspected the truck, they found the pistachios siphoned into 2,000-pound sacks -- making it easier for resale, police said.


Spider monkeys flee the crime scene after committing what we can only assume is some sort of high-rise fruit heist.

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Monkey Pastry Chef Serving The Head of a Cat

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Space Monkey

How did I not know about this until today??

In 2016, former astronaut Mark Kelly sent his twin brother and ISS commander Scott Kelly a gorilla suit for their birthday.

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Skin your robot today

I think that if I had a bigger workspace, my years-old todo list entry that reads "make the chimp head vomit banana daiquiris" would have made it to the top by now.

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A monkey walks into a bar...

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