For police PR flacks, quack lives matter


Watch for "cops save baby ducks" stories in the next few months. Media collaborates with police to produce these puff pieces after every police brutality incident. Literally every dept does these after police killings, it's amazing.

Police seem to be heroically rescuing baby ducks... pretty much everywhere:

I found 30 -- yes 30 -- separate stories from just the last two years before I decided I'd spent enough time on this post. I'm sure a more thorough search would have turned up a lot more.

What's incredible is not just that so many baby ducks keep wandering into storm drains, but also that there are so often police officers nearby to save them, and that word of these rescues keeps finding its way to a local news reporter. It's quite the fortuitous string of coincidences.

In any case, please enjoy these 30 stories about police saving baby ducks.

  • Eureka, California
  • Montgomery County, Maryland
  • Sevierville, Tennessee
  • Hudson, Wisconsin
  • Jacksonville, Florida
  • Whitemarsh, Pennsylvania
  • Andover, Massachusetts
  • Bartlett, Tennessee
  • South Salt Lake City, Utah
  • Bellevue, Washington
  • Topeka, Kansas
  • Manlius, New York
  • Jamestown, New York
  • Caldwell, Idaho
  • North Mankato, Minnesota
  • Marlborough, Massachusetts
  • Manchester, New Hampshire
  • Rome, New York
  • Cape May, New Jersey
  • Blue Ash, Ohio
  • Harlingen, Texas
  • Heyward, California
  • Evansville, Indiana
  • Anne Arundel County, Maryland
  • Poughkeepsie, New York
  • Punta Gorda, Florida
  • Overland Park, Kansas
  • Somewhere in Arizona
  • Edmond, Oklahoma
  • Calabash, North Carolina

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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6 Responses:

  1. CSL3 says:

    So, the recent announcement that Jared Leto is headlining the next Tron sequel (ugh) was accompanied by its director encouraging people to look up old articles of Leto wanting to be part of the series since he was 14. This backfired spectacularly, because he specifically encouraged fans to look up "Jared Leto 14" which just brings up all the articles about him being, y'know, a sexual predator. What's more: as that link shows, it's remarkably similar to the "Cop 40%" meme about at least 40% of cops are confirmed domestic abusers - which is somehow more than in the NFL.

    So, I can imagine the country's largest police union buying Super Bowl advert time with a running theme of "Look at all the cute duckies" (which is essentially what Trump did during the 2020 Super Bowl).

    • Birdy says:

      which is somehow more than in the NFL.

      I'm not American so I am kinda out of the loop; is the NFL a benchmark for high incidence of domestic abuse, 'normal' incidence of domestic abuse (there should be no 'normal' incidence of domestic abuse), etc?

      • CSL3 says:

        Let me put it this way: back in the '90s, an issue of Vibe magazine made a joke (which I still remember more than 20 years later) about how NFL players get severe penalties for abusing drugs but only a stern talking to for abusing their wives and girlfriends.

        Per this article from 2014:

        From 2000 to 2014, [former commissioner Paul] Tagliabue and [present commissioner Roger] Goodell  suspended players for one game or not at all[.]

        Though, in fairness, they probably thought the players would eventually pay for their crimes by the permanent damage done by their inevitable concussions.

  2. James C. says:

    Clearly we need more content with jwz rescuing baby murder duckbots.

  3. Lucky Duckie says:

    hAyward not hEyward.

  4. Elusis says:

    Sunday Comix suggests that pro-police fluff pieces aren't as easy as they look.

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