Portland Startup to Mine Artisanal Bitcoin Using Only Slide Rules and Graph Paper

"Herbal notes."

"We feel that crypto has abandoned the early days of organic blockchain crafting when bored math geeks would mine 10 Bitcoins in an afternoon and then blow it all on IPAs and pizza later that night," said 26-year-old Hash & Moon co-founder Cody Silas.

"Today's Bitcoin investor is savvy and looking for a hand-crafted crypto currency to launder money or pay to have someone eliminated. We are the only hyper-locally sourced, sustainable option for that."

His co-founder Oliver Heath said their approach cuts down the giant carbon footprint of Bitcoin servers with more sustainable ways to play into fashionably legal crypto-Ponzi schemes.

"Dedicated crypto-mining computers use as much electricity in one year as the entire country of Argentina," said Heath. "Our approach gets back to the basics, using bearded mathematicians sitting at a desk cranking out answers to artificial problems, powered 100 percent by avocado toast, ethically sourced kombucha and acai bowls."

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

Tags: , ,

8 Responses:

  1. Rodger says:
    2

    The Internet and crypto scams have wrecked my ability to apply Poe's Law to this.

  2. thielges says:

    All they need to complete this is an artisanal blockchain.   Perhaps use hand crafted leather bound notebooks (like Moleskine).  Link the blockchain with French butcher cord, sealed with wax and marked with a brass stamp.  

  3. ContextSans says:

    This feels like a good time to remind people that the word "computer" used to refer to a profession.

  4. Frank Wales says:
    3

    I assume they've rebranded to 'Rug & Pull' by now.

  5. Andrew Klossner says:

    That's a Getty Images photo of a military artillery slide rule (similar to match number 455 at Herman's Slide Rule Catalog). I guess they can use the C and D scales to perform division, which is at the heart of the artisanal prime-number factoring procedure.

    • thielges says:

      The slide rule aspect threw me off.  The precision of a slide rule is limited to a few digits due to mechanical and optical limitations.  But you need Bigint precision to factor primes large enough for public key cryptography.  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. But if you provide a fake email address, I will likely assume that you are a troll, and not publish your comment.

Starting a new top-level thread.

  • Previously