This Place is not a Place of Honor

Today in Castle News:

The thing you need to understand about today's Zillow find is that it was built in 2010 in the United States of America. Two full years into the financial crisis, these people decided that what they needed was a MOAT.

It looks like the part of Disney you aren't supposed to see, like there should be dumpsters of half-consumed turkey legs and a Mickey Mouse holding his own head in his hands, chugging bottled water. [...]

It's called Chrismark Castle because... it's owned by Christopher Mark, the great-grandson of a Chicago steel tycoon. (Boostraps!)

It took seven years and $4.1 million to build, but went on sale for $45 million, now down to an affordable $35 million.

He had barely moved in w his wife and children when she filed for divorce. So he moved his pregnant girlfriend (oh) and her daughter in instead. Then SHE left him, and there was a big court case for more child support.

And here's our protagonist, eating dinner alone, too sad even to put food on his plate or light his candle.

He's been trying to sell the place since 2014. In that time, he's tried turning it into a modeling studio (uhhh), a wedding venue, and an exotic animal refuge.

During the lawsuit over child support for the girlfriend (he'd been paying $1k a month), both alleged that the other was responsible for the starvation death of a camel.

Anyway, I will leave you with the world's most uncomfortable hand chair, the fact that there is a navy fighter jet on the property, and yes there IS a dungeon (can't find pictures), and also nearby Hartford, CT has a poverty rate of over 30%.

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11 Responses:

  1. Ben says:

    Do you think the architect has it in their portfolio, or are the plans just kept in a filing cabinet in the subbasement marked "DISAVOWED/NO SUPPORT".

  2. Richard Barrell says:

    This reminds me of a thing. In Hollywood, when a director decides they don't want their name on a film, they used to assign credit to "Alan Smithee" or "Allen Smithee". Offhand I think the practice still happens but the choice of pseudonym changed.

    I'm wondering if architects have (or have had) something similar? :)

  3. thielges says:

    The is takes ugly to a whole new level. I wonder how long it took the architect to stop making better suggestions and instead just sit back and cash the checks.

    The irony is that medieval feudal lords were not exactly proud of their castles’ exteriors. It served a purely functional defense purpose, equivalent to our modern day chain link fence topped with razor wire.

    So maybe a few centuries into the future people will romanticize our physical security features. Spiked anti-climb fences and ornate CCTV cameras.

    • tfb says:

      For many castles they also were not particularly interested in the interiors: no-one wanted twisty inconvenient staircases up towers for instance except that they make the thing defensible. And if you see halls in castles with significant windows those are usually later because big windows are not a good thing in a castle.

    • phuzz says:

      Some castles were defensive works, but most of them were homes as well, and many were never intended to defensible at all. All castles spend more time at peace than they do under siege.
      Building fairytale castles is just one of those things that rich people do from time to time.

      • tfb says:

        People did build pretend show-off castles after the period in which anything people think of as a castle was defensible (so, after firearms, really), yes. Castles which tried to be defensible after firearms generally look very different.

        (I live near a 'castle' built in the early 20th century, which was an expensive folly, really (but quite fun to visit).

  4. Jeff L says:

    Ex-Conn (former CT resident) chiming in:
    - The state is a case study in separating the haves from the have nots. You can take out a map and draw the lines (down to the street in some cases .. cough .. New Haven .. cough ..) that divide the rich from the middle class from people of color.
    - By Connecticut standards the castle is in the boonies. I doubt it would fly in Fairfield county, home to the Hedge fund elite.
    - Greed and snobbery permeate the culture, which makes in intolerable. It has some positives: proximity to NYC, interesting geology, nature (hiking / birding), history, etc. But Long Island sound is an industrial sewer, and the gov is corrupt. As I used to say, "The only problem with the State of Connecticut is the state of Connecticut."
    - When I moved to CT, I got my first cell phone, with a cool #: 860-xxx-1111. My boss made me get a 203 # because he didn't want to offend clients by making them dial an 860 area code, which was considered ghetto, because Hartford.

  5. M.E. says:

    His ex-wife’s name is Mary Galt… any relation?

  6. Eric says:

    This makes me want to play Phantasmagoria again.

  7. Sin2x says:

    Citizenkanish that.

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