Eloquence

Oh My Fucking God, Get the Fucking Vaccine Already, You Fucking Fucks.

by Wendy Molyneux

You're being a big fucking baby with a huge diaper full of fucking diarrhea, complaining about maybe feeling slightly tired for a day or two while your asymptomatic COVID case you get and pass to some innocent fucking kid could wind up killing them or someone else. Fuck you, you fucking selfish fucking shit-banana, you unredeemable ass-caterpillar, you fucking fuck-knob with two fucks for eyes and a literal poop where your heart should be. You want a two-month-old to wind up on a fucking ventilator instead of you, a fucking adult, getting a fucking sore arm for a day? What are you, a pitcher for the Yankees? A fucking concert pianist? An arm model? Get the fuck out of here! Fuck you. Get vaccinated. Fuck. Fuck you!

You think vaccines don't fucking work? Oh, fuck off into the trash, you attention-seeking fuckworm-faced shitbutt. This isn't even a point worth discussing, you fuck-o-rama fuck-stival of ignorance. Vaccines got rid of smallpox and polio and all the other disgusting diseases that used to kill off little fucks like you en masse. Your relatives got fucking vaccinated and let you live, and now here you are signing up to be killed by a fucking disease against which there is a ninety-nine-percent effective vaccine. You fucking moron. Go in the fucking ocean and fuck a piranha. Fuck. Fuck that. Fuck you. Get vaccinated.

Previously, previously, previously.

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34 Responses:

  1. Swede Bjorn says:

    Well, that's an eloquent and completely educational response if I ever saw one. It's almost like it's written by someone with a saintly patience.

    That said, I guess I'll keep holding of on the vaccination until there's some new developments which isn't experimental.

    • jwz says:

      Fuck, and I can't emphasize this enough, you.

      • Zygo says:

        "I'm waiting for more data" means "I take pride in my ignorance, thanks."

        • Derpatron9000 says:

          Until they get COVID, take to social media, begging for prayers and linking to a gofundme....

          • Zygo says:

            "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."

            Yeah these people really hate it when you know their source material better than they do.

      • James C. says:

        It’s the rare times like this that I wish you had a downvote button. Not an upvote, just a downvote. And it says “You suck”.

        • James C. says:

          After I posted that I realized the semantic ambiguity in the pronouns. The first ‘you’ is the comment box. The second ‘you’ is the top of this thread. Note that jwz does not, in fact, suck. At least not right now.

    • Dude says:

      Every vaccine is past the experimental stage and had its efficacy proven; Pfizer's the first one to get FDA approval. What's more, the vaccines are conclusively aided by social distancing and wearing a fucking mask.

      But, hey, why believe proven science when snake-oilers have caused horse sanctuaries have run out of a certain anti-worm paste this past week?

      • Erin M. says:

        Well, they do say it helps fix problems with a horse's ass!

        Ba-dum-tssssssh!

        • Derpatron9000 says:

          'They' also say they're passing huge worms, unaware that they're shedding (and shiting) intestinal lining.

    • Elusis says:

      “Go take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut,” murmured Paul Lazzaro in his azure nest. “Go take a flying fuck at the moon”

    • tfb says:

      Which particular death cult do you belong to, or are you just very, very stupid?

    • Eric says:

      Have fun with the horse medicine or whatever other quackery is being promoted this week on Facebook.

    • MattyJ says:

      The only ongoing experiment I'm aware of is whether the US (or insert your country here) has enough unvaccinated delta variant carriers to completely collapse the heathcare system. Final results should be in around Thanksgiving.

  2. Erin M. says:

    I know I'm not the only one that thinks it's time to mandate vaccination in all cases except the very few where there may be valid medical exemptions (codified into law and agreed upon by medical professionals, not quacks).

    B...bu...but... muh FrEEdUmbz!

    Nope. You don't have the freedom to be a hazard to the public health. Get a shot or go to jail. Period. Enough is enough.

    Although, on the flipside, I'm perfectly fine with thinning the herd and clearing out anti-science fascists, white supremacists, ACTUAL NAZIS, etc... As long as they're quarantined away where they can't infect the rest of us.

    I didn't used to think this way. But the past 4 years, ESPECIALLY the last 9 months, have changed me. I'm not proud of it. But sometimes a little Schadenfreude hits the right spot.

    Sincerely,
    A (former) concert violinist who had nothing more than a mildly sore arm and was still able to play just fine.

    • Erin M. says:

      Sorry, I'm on a roll - just one more:

      For everday damn gobshite that won't get a vaccine, there's more chance for a new mutation that either escapes vaccines we currently have (Delta already sort of does this), or becomes far more lethal. But I know this doesn't matter to the wrong-wing death cult, the members of which are convinced Jeebus will save them or something equally.

      And to the death-cult religious nuts (because I'm tired of religion being somehow exempted from ridicule), there many versions of this story, but here's the first one I was able to find:

      A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

      "Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast."

      "No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me."

      Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat.

      "Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of here. The levee's gonna break any minute."

      Once again, the preacher is unmoved. "I shall remain. The Lord will see me through."

      After a while the levee breaks, and the flood rushes over the church until only the steeple remains above water. The preacher is up there, clinging to the cross, when a helicopter descends out of the clouds, and a state trooper calls down to him through a megaphone.

      "Grab the ladder, Preacher. This is your last chance."

      Once again, the preacher insists the Lord will deliver him.

      And, predictably, he drowns.

      A pious man, the preacher goes to heaven. After a while he gets an interview with God, and he asks the Almighty, "Lord, I had unwavering faith in you. Why didn't you deliver me from that flood?"

      God shakes his head. "What did you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

      Okay, I feel better now. Have a nice day. Kittens and puppies... kittens and puppies...

    • MattyJ says:

      I was in a (locker) room with a 'freedom' guy recently. I asked him a few questions like "Do you drive on the right side or the road?" (in the US) "When your headlight breaks, do you replace it?" and "Do you move out of the way for fire trucks and ambulances?"

      It's okay to do what the government wants you to do, for the common good. I don't think I got through but at least I made him look a little bit like an asshole in front of a few other people.

  3. Ben Collver says:

    When making the decision to get this vaccine, shame is not in the list of valid reasons.

    • Dude says:

      Why not? Empirical science hasn't seemed to work, and we can't wait around as anti-vaxxers act as petri dishes for new variants like a writing class all given the same prompt.

      • Ben Collver says:

        "Shame isn’t a motivator of positive change. Yes, it can be used in the short term to change a behavior, but it's like hitting a plastic thumbtack with a 100-pound anvil--there are consequences to the crushing." --Brené Brown

        If you give someone a genuine choice, then you must accept it when they say "no." That's how consent works. If your response to their "no" is to flood them with curses, then you can expect them to double down on their "no."

        I'd like to see the empirical evidence that anti-vaxxers are responsible for any known variant.

        • tfb says:

          I like how you adjust things, it's clever. Because the argument that people who refuse to be vaccinated raise the herd immunity threshold for everyone else and thus delay the time it is reached and thus directly kill people is so trivially true it's not worth fighting. So instead you come up with a story that you want to see empirical evidence that anti-vaxxers give rise to variants. Well, that's also obvious, isn't it: the more copies of the virus are in existence for longer the more mutations will arise, and anti-vaxxers mean there will be more copies in existence for longer. But, oh no, that's not empirical, and in fact empirical evidence is probably simply not possible to come by: the only way I can see to get it would be to make multiple copies of the world and adjust the number of anti-vaxxers in each one, and that's ... quite a hard experiment to do (it also wouldn't get past the ethics committee).

          So, like I say, that's a clever trick: ask for evidence for something which probably can never exist although it is obvious, and use its lack to prop up your death cult. And then complain when, eventually, people lose patience with it. Well done.

          • Ben Collver says:

            In Starhawk's Fifth Sacred Thing, the protagonists are anti-vaxxers who live in a pocket Utopia located in San Francisco. They were willing to concede the common humanity shared by their enemies.

            As i view our current reality, we have experienced an erosion of trust and good will. We are getting tribal and playing a dangerous blame game. We are not making a space at our table for our enemies.

            In 2020, reports came out about observations of orders of magnitude more rapid mutation for Covid-19 happening in immuno-compromised patients. Since we have traced new flu variants back to the immuno-compromised, it is plausible that this evidence could be found. Though, would it help us if we found it?

            We will need to look beyond the obvious before we can rebuild trust and good will.

            • Elusis says:

              Why is it always people on the Left who are supposed to be nicer to people on the Right in order to encourage the Right to change? Meanwhile people on the Right, who are allegedly the ones most devoted to the Prophet of Love, are never ever scolded for not doing the same.

        • Dude says:

          And... what will convince you? I'm seriously asking - tell us now so we get you all your shots and finally, y'know, end this fucking worldwide pandemic.

          And don't lie to me about "choice":
          You've had the choice to wear a mask and socially distance for over a year - you didn't do it.
          You've had the choice to vaccinate yourself against this-virus-which-has-already-killed-four-million-plus-people-worldwide - you didn't do it.

          You want empirical evidence that anti-vaxxers create new variants? Here ya go. And that's just for COVID-19; it doesn't go into how such evidence has been empirically and scientifically proven for a couple centuries now from other diseases and the administration of vaccines to combat those diseases.

          We (responsible, vaccinated people) know it's not really about "choice" with you anti-vaxxers; it's about your cult mindset that won't do the right thing. Some of you said you'd get vaxxed when the vaccines were "out of the experimental phase" (nevermind the fact that they're been used publicly means they are out of that phase). Well, the vaccines have been used for nearly a year and Pfizer got just full approval. Guess what? You assholes still aren't getting vaxxed.

          You're not exercising any great choice, you're being a selfish asshole who's using the smokescreen of freedom to put the rest of the world in danger. That makes you a terrible person. Period.

          • tfb says:

            I think, in your third paragraph, you are mistaking empirical evidence for 'empirical evidence'. The first thing is the thing that would convince any scientist or other rational human: the second is what would convince a death cultist. It is not clear that the second thing exists or can exist: what is clear is that if it did, the death cultists would change the rules so it didn't.

            For these people the world only exists insofar as it agrees with what the cult says is real. Never mind that what the cult says is real changes every few days.

            • Dude says:

              Then imagine my same comment, but every third word is "chemtrail".

              On the plus side, this 5G chip in my arm gets great reception.

              • tfb says:

                Oh, yes, people in the US are lucky: we only got GSM chips implanted, and the bandwidth is terrible. Coverage is OK though, which is good as, obviously, when it loses signal it immediately kills its host.

    • bq Mackintosh says:

      I think this claim that shame isn't a valid approach is nonsense.

      We don't hesitate to shame: drunk driving; date rape; people who don't wash their hands after peeing; bigotry; lying; aggressive driving; negligence; abuse of animals; driving cars into crowds; exploitation of poverty; parking in spots reserved for handicapped drivers; blocking bike lanes; and tax evasion.

      No seriously. Nobody ever says that we should "meet people where they are" when it comes to drunk driving. We're not supposed to see things from the point of view of the drunk driver; we're not supposed to understand that the drunk driver needs sympathy and recognition; we aren't supposed to list the positive things about driving drunk before gently examining the negative consequences.

      People who say that shame will not motivate people to change seem to forget that the behavior we are talking about is shameful.

      Our job isn't to make people comfortable in their contemptible behavior; it's to put an unambiguous end to it.

  4. bq Mackintosh says:

    The first time (to my knowledge) something was quoted by both Mr. Zawinski and John Gruber.

    • Dude says:

      Hey, a broken clock hits the right time twice-a-day (unless you're going by 24-hour military time, then it's just once).

      • Ingvar says:

        Ah, cool, my broken clock currently reads 23:59:60. I expect it to be right at most 4 times per year.

  5. Wot? Me Worry? says:

    fuck-o-rama fuck-stival of ignorance

    This is prose worthy of the bard and my new favourite thing.

  6. Wot? Me Worry? says:

    I think as a species we're missing a golden opportunity here.

    Vaccination should not be mandated.

    If capitalism / marketing scum have taught us anything it's that people prefer the appearance of choice (cue Devo).

    So let's give them that choice:

    * Vaccination
    * Sterilisation

    Such an opportunity!

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