First you get a Clown. Then you put your Dick in The Clown.

Security flaw left 'smart' chastity sex toy users at risk of permanent lock-in:

U.K.-based security firm Pen Test Partners said the flaw in the Qiui Cellmate internet-connected chastity lock, billed as the "world's first app controlled chastity device," could have allowed anyone to remotely and permanently lock in the user's penis. [...]

Because the chamber was designed to lock with a metal ring underneath the user's penis, the researchers said it may require the intervention of a heavy-duty bolt cutter or an angle grinder to free the user. [...]

"The app stopped working completely after three days and I am stuck!" said one user. Another said they "got already stuck twice when wearing it due to the unreliable app."

"It worked for about a month until I almost got stuck in it. Thankfully it unlocked itself randomly and I was able to get out of it. The device left a bad scar that took nearly a month of recovery," said another review.

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Mail

Never before have I been excited to see an Informed Delivery email.

Speaking of these delivery emails -- which I get from USPS, UPS and FedEx -- why are they all so sucky? I get this endless stream of "Package 216280575216846420291 has been delivered" and before I endure the dual hardships of putting on pants and going downstairs to get it, I'd really like to know what it is, or at least who the hell it's from. After all these years, answering those questions is apparently still rocket surgery.

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