"Behold, the Apple Pro Stand of ham holders"

$799.97. "Widely regarded as one of the most complete ham holders on the market, the Elite allows you to adjust the position of your ham both vertically and horizontally, and the hinged swivel head lets you turn the ham without removing it from the holder. The base also has a system of spikes that will hold unusually shapes and cuts of ham."

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15 Responses:

    • thielges says:

      Funny because I always associated Ibérico ham with Spanish dive bars. Every bar has some range of tapas available and the skeeziest of them only have ham and stale bread. Look around and you’ll find a ham in holder hanging out behind the bar curing for who knows how long in cigarette smoke and housefly spittle.

  1. thielges says:

    Here’s one for twice price

    Some people are serious about their Jamon Iberico.

    (Coincidentally IOS autocorrects Jamon to Jamie)

  2. Bill Paul says:

    Obligatory "avoid spikes."

  3. Lloyd says:

    Can't this also be used for bottles of wine?

  4. o.o says:

    From the actual product description, not a fake review:
    Used by professional Spanish ham carvers in restaurants and ham carving tournaments.

    I didn't know my life was missing ham carving tournaments until now.

    • johannes says:

      I'm from Spain and ham carving tournaments are a very real thing. Judges measure things like speed and how thin the slices are. Ham slicing is serious matter here: there is even an App to learn how to do it (link in Spanish). Yes, I also think this is crazy.

  5. Jeff says:

    Needs wheels.

  6. David Konerding says:

    One day, a coworker saw something on a mailing list he had to share. "Hey everybody, look at this company that makes metal tools for de-bunging cows and cracking pig spines" (there is a whole line of tools that remove buttholes from cows and crack pig spines as part of industrial meat processing).

    I thought the name of the company sounded familiar, and yes, it was a factory in my hometown. All these years I thought they just made "metal parts"

    Many of the items on their pages resemble this ham holder.(http://www.jarvisproducts.com/)

    • thielges says:

      That link is worthy of the grim meathook future tag. Cheerfully announced on the home page: “Jarvis now has robots for the kill floor!”

      • japh says:

        Jesus, I found one of the Jarvis kill floor bots:


        Honestly, this damn thing is pretty disturbing. If you had it installed behind a drapery-shrouded window next to your porch, it could handily dispatch solicitors. Looks like it was manufactured on Stroggos...

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