"Nancy [Pelosi] and I have been meeting with the Coronavirus to try to work out a plan that both saves lives and kills people. We can't afford to be partisan or idealistic, and we have to be willing to make concessions. If that means giving up everything we want, so be it."
Schumer and Pelosi have been relentless in their willingness to bend over to COVID-19's demands, and have left the GOP with little leverage in terms of bargaining.
"Them Democrats got about as much sense as a pocket with a hole in it," cackled Sen. Lindsay Graham while fanning himself. "I do declare, they're gonna just let that mean ol' virus tell them what to do. They're currently proposing a $200 billion stimulus for the virus, and they're gonna pull the funds right outta the Post Office pension! Where does it even end? Now I hear Biden might pick Corona as his running mate as a show of bipartisanship. Good golly Miss Molly, sometimes it feels like we don't hafta lift a finger to ruin everything."
"It's our priority to find a solution everyone is happy with," revealed Sen. Chuck Schumer.