Moderate Democrats Suggest Working with Coronavirus to Find Common Ground

"It's our priority to find a solution everyone is happy with," revealed Sen. Chuck Schumer.

"Nancy [Pelosi] and I have been meeting with the Coronavirus to try to work out a plan that both saves lives and kills people. We can't afford to be partisan or idealistic, and we have to be willing to make concessions. If that means giving up everything we want, so be it."

Schumer and Pelosi have been relentless in their willingness to bend over to COVID-19's demands, and have left the GOP with little leverage in terms of bargaining.

"Them Democrats got about as much sense as a pocket with a hole in it," cackled Sen. Lindsay Graham while fanning himself. "I do declare, they're gonna just let that mean ol' virus tell them what to do. They're currently proposing a $200 billion stimulus for the virus, and they're gonna pull the funds right outta the Post Office pension! Where does it even end? Now I hear Biden might pick Corona as his running mate as a show of bipartisanship. Good golly Miss Molly, sometimes it feels like we don't hafta lift a finger to ruin everything."

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Always sanitize your user input.

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"I'm the PRESIDENT. I've got the BOX. Damn STRAIGHT."

Ever since I heard about this stimulus check signature nonsense, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this page from Give Me Liberty where The President gives everyone a Christmas Turkey. It's a Miller/Gibbons comic from 1990 that I probably haven't thought about since it came out.

It's... just ok. But that scene came rushing back.

Trump's name added to coronavirus stimulus checks:

"Thousands of families are running out of money as they lose their jobs. Days and hours matter. But Trump comes first," Sen. Chris Murphy, D-Conn., tweeted in response to the Post story. "So Trump is delaying the stimulus checks so his signature can be printed on each one. Him first. You second. Always."

Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., echoed Murphy's sentiment. "17 million people have lost their jobs. Millions can't pay rent, afford food, and are sinking into debt. And the president is delaying relief for them so he can see his name on a check. Trump first, America second," she tweeted. [...]

Walter Shaub, a former director of the independent Office of Government Ethics, tweeted, "Where you see the dying and suffering of your fellow Americans, Donald Trump sees another opportunity to promote himself -- and, by extension, his reelection campaign. Corruption, you see, has its visionaries."

Miller had a way with presidents. Here's the one from Miller and Sienkiewicz's far superior Elektra: Assassin.

I guess that's what happens when you have a poorly-written comic book villain as your actual president. And not even a smart one like Lex Luthor or Doctor Doom. The fascist cheeto defies parody, even 30-year-old parody pre-crime.

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