Recent Movies

Carnival Row: I loved this so much! Not-England's Imperial adventures in Fairyland blew up badly, and now we've got a show about immigration policy, the slave trade and racism with fairies and satyrs. There's a huge amount of world-building backstory that is hinted at, oh, and also a Lovecraftian horror stalking from the sewers. The Officer John Snow parts of the plot are pretty dull and remind me of Ripper Street, but overall it's good stuff.

Also they stuck the landing on the finale, while leaving open enough non-essential plot threads that I'm really looking forward to S2.

And how amazing is it (and how sad that it's so rare) that this is not an adaptation of anything? Someone sat down and wrote a story and then they filmed it. It wasn't a series of YA novels first, or a graphic novel, or a hundred year old movie. Just something new. Is that even allowed?

Under the Silver Lake: This movie is bonkers. It's pretty brazenly a Vertigo pastiche, but since the lead is an unsympathetic hipster douchebag stalker amongst LA starfuckers, maybe Body Double is the more apt comparison. (Much as Werner von Braun aimed for the stars but mostly hit London.) Anyway, it was interesting and not predictable. The first half was an exercise in "everything I hate about Los Angeles" but the second half went all noir conspiracy kookoopants and that was fun, and full of odd, awful characters.

Still, the De Palma flavor always gives me acid reflux so I watched To Catch a Thief next to wash that down. Mmmm, smooth.

Huntress, Rune of The Dead: From the title I assume they have series intentions, but this was pretty good. A small family of Vikings living alone in the forest have a zombie problem. The zombies show up late, but the acting and environment are well done; it reminded me of The VVitch in a lot of ways. One of the nice things about it was that none of the plot points relied on someone lying or being deceptive or withholding information. That's pretty rare.

Anna: I loved Nikita but I think that every time I watch a Besson movie I retroactively like Nikita less. Was this movie made in 1985, by Simon LeBon, about how hard high fashion modeling is? I was more than 40 minutes in and Anna had only gotten around to covering the same plot points that Nikita blasted through before the opening credits. Also what the hell was going on with everyone having Fremen eyes? They painted them all so bright blue, and the same color on every character, that it was like those creepy photoshops of baby pageant entrants. It was even more distracting than Teal and Orange.

Ok after I finished it, the plot was slightly more complex than it seemed at first, but not particularly good or even clever. Pbbbbtttttt.

Hotel Artemis: If you wanted a spinoff story about the John Wick hotel manager, this is that. I did want that. It delivered.

Pennyworth: It's a 60s spy/gangster thriller set in an anachronistic London and it's extremely satisfying. It has fuck-all to do with Batman and that's great. Why is this branded as a Batman show at all? I'm guessing that it's because that's the only way you can get a "60s spy/gangster thriller set in an anachronistic London" made. Just rub some Batman on it, like what they did with those later Hellraiser movies. Let's dust off this old script and stick a puzzle box in it, done.

Twilight Zone (2019): An adequate revival. Not excellent, but pretty decent. More tense and less tongue-in-cheek than I expected.

Crawl: This is a movie about being trapped in a basement during a flood with an alligator. I did not have high expectations for a movie with that description, and what expectations I did have were very specific. Those expectations did not include spending 3/4ths of the movie listening to two people whining about Dad's Divorce.

Also sometimes when a gator bites you, you just need to tie a knot in a t-shirt, but sometimes it goes through you like you're tiramisu. Good to know.

Dark: I enjoyed the first season, even though it took me nearly until the last episode to have any idea what was going on at all, but the second season was terrible. "People liked it when we confused them for ten episodes, let's do that again!" And then it had a sequel-bait non-ending that resolved nothing. It is dead to me now.

Undone: A rotoscoped ghost story, ish. I liked the story a lot and it made really good use of the medium, flipping between standard filmic framing and the kinds of transitions normally reserved for animation.

Midsommar: Those people who said "It's not just another Wicker Man" lied, it's totally just another Wicker Man. It doesn't make a lot of sense, and most of the characters aren't particularly sympathetic, but the weirdly-friendly and wholesome cultists do make it creepier.

Creepshow (2019): Garbage. Well, The Man in the Suitcase was ok, but the other 5 were garbage. But I have a special level for hate for that whole "Look it's a COMIC BOOK" visual style. It was a lazy cliché when the first Creepshow movie did this in the 80s and it hasn't gotten any more clever since then. When they throw those skeuomorphic panel gutters and word bubbles onto a movie what they're really doing is just a comics-insulting dog whistle: they are saying, "Hey, we know the plot is stupid and the characters are one dimensional but it's just a COMIC BOOK". And by so saying, they manage to debase both comics and filmmaking at the same time. With the notable exception of the inexplicably great outlier Scott Pilgrim, every movie that has aped the comics panels has been terrible.

Climax: Two hours of tripping assholes screaming at each other in French. An infant cries continuously in the background. Nothing happens. There's some good dancing I guess. I couldn't hear it over the screaming.

Previously.

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Trump Appoints Illuminati Self-Help Author 'Magus Incognito' To Federal Education Board

Not The Onion.

The appointment of George Mentz ― who also writes under the pen name "Magus Incognito" ― to the Commission on Presidential Scholars was announced last Wednesday in a White House press release. [...]

Mentz's author page on Amazon suggests that he is a prolific writer, with more than 60 titles to his name. That includes works with titles like "The Law of Attraction & Prosperity Bible -- The Illuminati Wealth Manifesto & Codex" and "The Illuminati Handbook -- The Path of Illumination and Ascension."

In a 2013 book by "Magus Incognito" called "Rosicrucian and Masonic Spirituality & Secrets -- The Handbook," Mentz tells readers the book's teachings "can propel the initiate into the 4th dimension of existence on this Earth." [...]

Mentz attended law and business school in Louisiana and now lives in Colorado Springs, where he owns the Global Academy of Finance and Management. For $378, the company awards certifications to individuals who can then list official-sounding titles and acronyms after their names. (The certifications are "valid" for two years and then "members" must renew them annually.) At least 118 such titles are listed on the GAFM website, including "Certified Chartered FinTech Professional (ChFP)," "Master Business Analyst (MBA)" and "Registered Islamic Financial Specialist (RIFS)."

It's unclear what qualifications applicants must demonstrate in order to obtain the certifications.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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DNA Lounge: Wherein [REDACTED]

I realized that the reason I hadn't blogged in a while was that I had written this blog post a while ago, and then realized, "nothing good will come of that." I hate it when that happens, but since it was stuck in my queue, it kind of prevented me from writing anything else.

So, to get that out of my system, and in the spirit of completeness, here's that blog post that I didn't publish back in September:


Photos are up of the Cold Waves fest. First off, let me say that Test Dept. and Severed Heads put on a great show. But wow, ███████ ██ ███ ████ ██ █ █████████

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So then, Pop Will Eat Itself dropped out, ████ █████████ ██ ██ ████ ██ █████ ██████ ███ █████ ██████████ █████ ███ ████ ████ ██ ████ ██████ ███ ████ ████ ████████ ███████ ████ ████ █████ ███████ █ █████ ███ █████ ████ █████████ ███ ███████ ██████████ ████ ███████ ████ ████ █ ███████ ████ ███ ██ ██████ █████ ████ ██ ███ ███ ██ █████

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Then, Kælan Mikla's flight was delayed. ██ ████████ █████████ ██ ████ ███ ████ ██████ ███ ████ █████ █████ ██████ ██ ████ ██████ █████ ██████ ███ ███ █ ███████ ████ ████ ███ ███ █████ ████ ██ █████ █████ ███ ████ ████ ███████ ██████████ ████ ███ ██████████ ███ ████ █████ █ ██████ ████████ █████ ███ ███████ █████ ██ ███ ████ ███ █████ ████ ███ █████ ████ ███████ ██ ████ ████ █████ ██ ████ ████ ███ ██ █████ ███ ██ █ ███████████ ██████████ ███ ███ ███████████ ████ ██████████ ███ █████ ████ █████████ █████ ███████ ██████████

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Whenever we ████ █ █████████ ████ like this one, I often run into people I haven't seen in a years: people who used to be regulars and possibly even still consider themselves regulars. The conversation often goes something like this:

    Them: Heyyyyy how's it going?
    Me: Oh you know. Apocalyptic.
    Them: I heard you were having trouble here, but it's all better now right?
    Me: No. No it's not. I have no idea how this place is going to survive.
    Them: Oh, that's too bad. Hey, how's that other place?
    Me: Huh?
    Them: You know, that place you opened. Down on, um, Folsom?
    Me: We closed that place two and a half years ago. It was a disaster. Opening it was worst decision of my entire life.
    Them: Oh. I think that place was the last time I saw you! Pretty crazy, huh?
    Me: Yeah, it's been a while.
    Them: So, everything is good now, though, right?
    Me: No! No it is not, not even remotely!
    Them: Oh, ok! great! See you next time! This place is awesome!

Conversations like this are the face-to-face version of someone hitting "Like" on your post about your cat dying.

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