Aqua-Bro

Movie Yelling with jwz and Kingfish:

i
Jim
Just downloaded Aquaman. I want one scene with like a 30' turd dangling behind him, is that too much to ask? I had fish, I know how this works.
And then he stops mid sentence and casually eats it.
Is this your first time seeing it? Because it's not actually good. But it is fun, which is the most confusing, conflicting emotions.
It's super dumb, but Aqua-Bro is impossible to dislike, and basically any male child 13 and under probably considers this movie to be Casablanca
Yeah, haven't seen it before, I expect to fast forward a lot
I am literally 4 minutes in and ready to quit.
Oh mah gaaaaaaaahhhhhhddddd this is bad.
There is dumb there. Lots of dumb.
Ok so this is a movie where Aquaman can throw a guy into a wall hard enough to bend steel, and then the guy isn't pulped like when Robot Man did it.
Exactly
That's precisely why I loved that scene in Doom so much
Just... splat
It's not right that Dafoe is Atlantan and also Green Goblin.
Yeah, but he's cool that way.
Can Aquaman fly? He doesn't seem to actually swim, he just sort of zips.
I think he can water spout around a little
Like Khan, Atlantis suffers from 2d thinking.
This is so dumb.
Nice little "master race" vibe, with royalty being the only ones who can breathe air.
Besides pooping I also have questions about metallurgy.
But, sharks with frikkin' laser beams
This movie is bad. It is very, very bad.
Dafoe is phoning it in.
An octopus tribal drummer? Really? Really?
I counter your octopus drummer with plush elephant dude keyboard player from Star Wars
You know... for kids!
I'm not going to defend Max Reebo, which I think might actually be his name
Yes!
My Star Wars name, that I gave myself, is Farce Bambu.
Also in this dumbass timeline both the Atlantans and the Amazons just let - gestures wildly - all of this go!
Hahaha
YOU HAD ALL THIS
It's like if the Eugenics Elves decided, "Hey let's just see what happens if we let 10 billion orcs run the place for a few thousand years"
Sure!
Are we the baddies? Are we the orcs?
Oh yeah we are.
What Tolkein called "men" were probably Neanderthals, or Bigfoot.
But, you've seen the terrible effect living in our world has had on the elves.
Like maybe the air is too heavy for them, or there's too much refined iron everywhere
Also, by way of example, I literally just remembered there was that whole Mantis thing and a submarine or whatever. I completely forgot all of that.
So that was a pretty good origin story for Black Manta. His grandfather's nickname was Manta. So he's the black one.
Ok there was just a scene where Fake Julian Sands yelled and bubbles came out of his mouth -- which is basically if I yelled and vomited.
Haaaaaa fake Julian Sands
This movie is bad even in the context of: I just watched an episode of The Flash.
Owwww
Did they really just look through the back of the Six Million Dollar Man doll's head?
I am appalled by your ignorance. Yes, and Pat had one.
I did too! They looked through a statue of Romulus holding a coke bottle to get the next quest waypoint!
Oh gotcha. See, i forgot that too!
This movie is a bad bad movie
I am pretty drunk but not drunk enough
And now there are velociraptors because of course there are.
Okay, real sleepies now. Signing out
....and Atlantans don't age but apparently neither do Scientologists so that's fair? Seriously how has Nicole Kidman been 27 for 30 years, she's older than me. Do you figure she did this movie because of a mortgage? Or leftover dues to CoS? Or some other kompromat?
Wait wait
Wake up
This is important
I just had a vision of this movie where Aquaman was played by Lux Interior, and I really think that would have been the way to go.
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8 Responses:

  1. Steve Kirks says:

    I love this commentary. Two thumbs up.

  2. MattyJ says:

    After seeing this movie, I had some questions about the hydrodynamics of blue jeans.

    I agree, the movie was dumb, and long, but it's impossible not to like Jason Momoa.

    "Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw" should be "Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs, Shaw & Momoa". They'd earn all the money.

  3. bob says:

    I still haven't recovered from Green Lantern. If AquaBro is even worse, that says a lot.

    I wonder why Marvel/Disney didn't come out with a Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner movie at the same time in the Hollywood tradition of Twin Movies:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_films#Examples

  4. Lloyd says:

    I find your lack of typoes disturbing.

    Drunk much?

  5. Dave says:

    I want to subscribe to your Rifftrax.

    Or your Red Letter Media movie reaction videos.

  6. Cookie Wolf says:

    Have I told you lately how much I adore you guys?

  7. Lloyd says:

    All through Aquaman, I was thinking: "Flash Gordon! Now THAT'S a good movie!"

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