"Caught my first tube today, Sir!"

And by "tube" I mean: I stepped out of my door and some idiot on a scooter rammed into me and went flying. He had been speeding down the sidewalk like a foot from the wall. As he lay sprawled in his yardsale and I tried to determine whether I was bleeding I said, "This is why I hate those things!"

Still lying on the ground, he said, "But it's not my fault!"

"Fuck you!" I explained. "You were going 20 miles an hour on the fucking sidewalk!"

This is when the guy at the glass shop started laughing. I guess you can't really say you were a part of San Francisco 2018 until a techbro on a scooter has slammed into you and then blamed you for it.

How to Recycle your E-scooter:

The city and the e-scooter companies have been working very hard to find a solution to the e-scooter problem, and in response to public demand, they have placed escooter docking stations all over the city for your convenience. When you see an e-scooter on the sidewalk, calmly walk up to it, pick it up, and place it on the nearest docking station, also known as a 'scootypods' (they're still focus grouping that title).

If a docking station does not have the recycling symbol on it, simply slot the scooter through the top of the docking station as pictured. [...]

When you're done riding an escooter, always remember to D.U.M.P

  • Don't panic
  • Understand that you are part of the problem
  • Mobilize your legs
  • Place escooter in the trash

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