Heck of a resumé you got there

Matthew G. Whitaker, Acting Attorney General:

In November 2014, a Miami Beach-based firm, World Patent Marketing, announced the "marketing launch" of a "MASCULINE TOILET," which boasted a specially designed bowl to help "well-endowed men" avoid unwanted contact with porcelain or water. "The average male genitalia is between 5″ and 6″," the firm's press release said. "However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that." [...]

The special toilet was not the firm's only notable offering. It marketed a slew of oddball inventions, including a "theoretical time travel commodity tied directly to price of Bitcoin." Called Time Travel X and marketed as "a technology, an investment vehicle and a community of users," the cryptocurrency never materialized.

The firm also pitched Sasquatch dolls, promoting them with a video claiming that "DNA evidence collected in 2013 proves that Bigfoot does exist."

Federal authorities say World Patent Marketing was scam. A federal judge shut down the company last year and fined it $26 million after the Federal Trade Commission found it had "bilked thousands of consumers out of millions of dollars" in fees it charged clients based on phony promises of lucrative patent deals. The company is under investigation by the FBI. [...]

In a December 2014 news release, Whitaker defended the firm. "As a former US Attorney, I would only align myself with a first class organization," he stated. [...]

In an August 2015 email, Whitaker invoked his status as a former US attorney to threaten a man who was planning to file a Better Business Bureau complaint against the company. "There could be serious civil and criminal consequences for you," Whitaker wrote in the email. [...]

The Washington Post reported Friday that Whitaker "played a role in trying to help the company silence critics" penned "a series of letters" threatening legal action while acting as outside counsel for the firm. [...] Whitaker refused to comply with an October 2017 FTC subpoena seeking his records related to the company. [...] The FTC's investigation concluded that World Patent Marketing suppressed complaints about the company through "threats, intimidation and gag clauses."

I rate him ten Scaramuccis out of a possible ten Scaramuccis.

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6 Responses:

  1. Nigel says:

    "These go to 11..."

  2. Kyle Huff says:

    Scaramucci would be an awesome US AG. I say this as a foreign national.

  3. MattyJ says:

    I miss Bill Hader's 'The Mooch' impression on SNL.

    John Oliver had a similar takedown of Whitaker on his show this past week, including a rather disturbing personal modeling of one of the products World Patent Marketing handled.

  4. Eric says:

    The perfect AG for the guy behind Trump Steaks, Trump University, etc.

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