Today in 1st grade one of my Deaf students farted loudly in class and other students turned to look at them. The following is a snippet of a 15 minute conversation that happened entirely in American Sign Language among the group of Deaf students and I.

Kid 1:

Why are they looking at me?

Me:

Because they heard you fart.

Kid 1:

Whhhhat do you mean?!?!

Me:

Hearing people can hear farts.

Kid 2:

*Totally horrified* Wait, they can hear all farts?!?!

Me:

Well no. Not all farts but some of them yes.

Kid 3:

How do you know which farts they can hear and which farts they can't?

Me:

Hmmm....you know how sometimes you can feel your butt move when you fart? A lot of those they can hear. But if your butt doesn't move it's more likely they didn't hear it.

Kid 1:

TELL THEM TO STOP LISTENING TO MY FARTS! THAT IS NOT NICE!

Me:

Hearing kids can't stop hearing farts, it just happens.

Kid 2:

I just will stop farting then.

Me:

Everyone farts, it is healthy. You can't stop.

Kid 3:

Wait. Everyone? Even my mom?

Me:

Yep.

Kid 2:

My dad?

Me:

Yep.

Kid 1:

......You?

Me:

Yep.

Kids:

*Laugh hysterically*

Kid 1:

...So you can hear and smell all the farts?

Me:

Some of the farts yes. Not all of them.

Kid 2:

Can hearing people see farts?

Kid 3:

Yeah. Green smoke comes out of their butt, I saw it on TV.

Me:

That doesn't happen in real life.

Kid 1:

What?! Ugh. I don't understand farts.

......I went to college for 8 years to have these conversations.

Previously, previously, previously, previously.