Can you rate sextortionists on Yelp?

Violet's asking the important questions:

So, anyone else been following the low-key coverage on a wave of "sextortion" emails that hit the public a couple months back? I've been following these with a bit more interest than usual ... because I received one when they first went out.

And I loved it! I rate the extortionist 10/10, would be extorted by them again. The first thing I enjoyed about the extortion email was that they opened with "my" password ... which really was my password! Man, the memories it brought back. You know how passwords are like personal ice-core samples, going back through time? I mean before we all got password managers and made passwords we can't remember. Admit it: You look at old passwords and remember where you lived and what music you listened to and all those things that make you feel old now. Our old passwords carbon-date us.

Anyway, the sextortionist opened with a password that must've come from the 2001 Second Life hack and dump of Ye Olde Internet Days. I was hooked by their style! Then the sextortionist tried to shame me for masturbating to pornography on a computer and I was absolutely delighted. I mean, it's been so long since anyone tried to shame me for porn. I immediately wanted to email them back and ask which videos I watched! It never hurts to go retro, mix it up a little. I hoped it was something cool with my friends in it. What a bonus to introduce my sextortionist to some quality ethical feminist porn.

So, my extortionist said they'd taken dirty videos of me through my camera -- they weren't precise about which camera. I assumed it was the one on my laptop, which I always keep covered with a sticker. The extortionist said that if I didn't pay them in the coin of the realm, they would upload videos of me they recorded to some websites. That was when I knew I had to email them back. Which sites were they thinking of using? I have a few opinions on this. Also, I was going to have to let the sextortionists know that this might be a problem for them, considering the trademark on my name and all.

I got distracted by internet porn and never emailed them back.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

Tags: , , ,

One Response:

  1. Jo Bangeborg says:

    I also received this funny email thing but, instead of threatening me with publishing my wanking videos to some obscure website, they told me that they would send them to all my contacts, that of course they also claimed to have, as if all of this people wasn't already sick of seeing me masturbating.

  • Previously