Scenes from the ant colony's growing magician problem


If Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can't humans be summoned by ants?

The answer is they should be.


Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I'd certainly notice, try to figure out where they'd all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.


That's why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name.

And they're like, you can't leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor.

And you're like, let's just see where this goes "yup, you got me... what's the favor?"

and usually the favor is like, "kill this one ant for us" or "give me a pile of sugar" and you're like... okay? and you do, because why not, it isn't hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever.

And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can't really do, one of them, she's like, "I love this ant but she won't pay any attention to me, make me important to her" and you're like... um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like horrified whisper "what have I done"

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5 Responses:

  1. Other Jamie says:

    That would seem to imply the existence of Elder God talk-therapists, bars in the depths, and romantic comedies in impossible dimensions.

  2. mlhaufe says:

    I'm reminded of The Sandkings episode of the Outer Limits. Martian insects divided into Red vs White. Each worshiping a different human and the conflict that results.

    • jwz says:

      The short story was much better -- written by George R. R. Martin, back when he wrote science fiction instead of 15th century fanfic.

  3. Penguin Pete says:

    Clearly they used to do this, but when the human showed up they all just got stomped. They eventually learned we were no help, which is why they cut through the middle man and just summon Cthulhu directly.

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