Cuddle a Co-worker

"During the day co-workers will be required to cuddle each other in a variety of different positions."

Like many of our sessions, the event lasts an entire working day and involves co-workers cuddling in a 'relaxation tent' designed to reduce stress and encourage team bonding. Our cuddling sessions can accommodate from four people up to groups of 20 at a time. [...]

We've based each 'relaxation tent' on Moroccan and Indian relaxation practices, and there will be incense and oil lamp lighting, as well as large bean bags and relaxation beds for everyone in the group. During the day co-workers will be required to cuddle each other in a variety of different positions and will need to switch partners every two hours -- so that you have a chance to bond with everyone.

At the beginning of the day there will be a group admission session, where co-workers will talk about the negative traits of their colleagues [...]

We're also looking for professional 'cuddlers' to help us run the classes. Applicants must have experience in a similar role and will ideally have a psychology background or qualification. Successful applicants can expect to be paid upwards of £30 an hour and must be available to run up to four classes a week.

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18 Responses:

  1. Mike Hicks says:

    Haha, reminds me of Blunt Talk

  2. moe says:

    NotACult LLC

  3. MattyJ says:

    Hmmm. How does this not evolve into a work-sanctioned orgy?

    • Thomas Lord says:

      > "How does this not evolve into a work-sanctioned orgy?"

      I'm guessing you were one of those kids who cram as much random food in your mouth as possible, chew it to a vomit-like paste, and then make sure that all of your friends had to look at your gaping open mouth, close up.

      • MattyJ says:

        I'm guessing you're the life of the party wherever you go.

        • Thomas Lord says:

          Oh my god, you were serious? Son, my unsolicited advice to you is this: assuming, or even joking about a presumption of sexual access to co-workers is not cool and is very gross.

          • jwz says:

            We're already talking about "company sponsored mandatory cuddling", so the gross train left the station quite some time ago.

            • Thomas Lord says:

              Don't mind me. Someone tried to make me smile for a company group photo one time so I contacted my lawyer.

          • MattyJ says:

            As I'm sure you read the entire article, I don't have to quote that one of the results/goals is an increase in "Oxytocin and Serotonin" levels, both of which together are highly associated with horniness, for lack of a better scientific word. The article, as you know, since you read it, mentions 'skin on skin contact', which in a cuddling sense would presume more than a handshake's worth of contact.

            I was joking and not joking at the same time, and nowhere did I insinuate a presumption of sexual access to coworkers. Just pointing out in a semi-comedic, terse and to the point manner, as we JWZ commenters are apt to do, that this is a worse idea than an open bar at the office holiday party. Apologies that my terseness failed to properly land the anecdote. Next time I'll write two paragraphs like this first, then save the one-liner for the end.

            • Thomas Lord says:

              > "As I'm sure you read the entire article,"

              Rash assumption. Irresponsible. Shame on you.

              > "I was joking and not joking at the same time, and nowhere did I ..."

              I snap my heals at you, then.

              > " is a worse idea than an open bar at the office holiday party"

              No forgiveness for that assertion.

              > " Next time I'll write two paragraphs like this first, then save the one-liner for the end."

              I think this means I owe you a drink for some reason. I'll have my lawyer review the papers.

              • MattyJ says:

                I'll hire a lawyer in the meantime to talk to your lawyer. I feel like the return on retainer investment might not work out for me. Can we just cuddle for a minute instead? :)

            • Margaret says:

              "tumescence" may be the word you are looking for.

  4. marria01 says:

    Isn’t cuddling co-workers the reason why John Lasseter doesn’t work at Pixar, now?

    • MattyJ says:

      That, and probably the string of garbage movies*, save for Coco, since 2010.

      * just my opinion, may not reflect reality

  5. Jeremy Wilson says:

    This is pretty much the definition of Hell.

  6. robert_ says:

    Cuddle a cow-orker.

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