Man Wins "Why Trump Shouldn't Go to Prison" Essay Contest

The man, Brett Kavanaugh, received his award for the winning essay at a ceremony at the White House on Monday night.

Kavanaugh's essay, which was distributed to the press shortly after he was announced as the winner, reads as follows: "Donald J. Trump should never go to prison because he is the President of the United States and the President of the United States is a very important person in the country. It would look bad if visitors from foreign countries came to the United States and asked, 'Where is your President?' and we had to say, 'He is in prison,' which in my opinion is another reason Donald J. Trump should not go to prison. For these reasons, if I am ever in a position to keep Donald J. Trump from going to prison, I will do that (keep him from going to prison)."

Shaking Kavanaugh's hand, Trump heaped praise on him for his "very, very beautiful" essay, calling it "maybe the best essay that has ever been written."

"I did not personally read it, but Ivanka read it aloud to me, and I thought it was fantastic," Trump said.

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US20170337602A1

Facebook's not-at-all-dystopian facial recognition patent application for brick-and-mortar surveillance:

A customer recognition system intelligently detects and notifies a merchant when a customer is in need of assistance based on the customer's facial expression.

The customer recognition system can also identify a product associated with the customer need.

The customer recognition system identifies a user profile associated with a customer shopping at a merchant location, determines a trust level for the customer based on user profile information, and based on the trust level, causes a secured product display to provide a customer access to a secured product. [...]

I think this part says, "our cameras can automate Shopping While Black":

In some embodiments, the customer recognition system 101 determines a trust level based on social networking activity data. For example, the customer recognition system 101 can analyze a customer's social networking activity to identify user behavior that indicates trust. The social networking information can also include the number of followers or "friends" of the customer, characteristics of "friends" of customer, characteristics of followers of the customer, the types of characteristics of user groups, and other social networking information that may indicate a level of trust or confidence in a customer.

The whole thing sounds like it was written by some manbaby who is having a tantrum that mom won't go shopping for him:

Moreover, with conventional brick-and-mortar merchants, when a consumer is seeking a sales associate for assistance, the consumer often leaves the proximity of the product. As a result of leaving the proximity of the product, the likelihood of the consumer buying the product significantly decreases. In other cases, although the consumer may find an associate, the consumer may discover the associate is busy or otherwise engaged and cannot help. Furthermore, upon finding an associate, the consumer often learns that the particular associate is not knowledgeable in the relevant product area. Overall, the effort required for the consumer to obtain assistance within a conventional brick-and-mortar merchant is often inefficient and frustrating. In turn, the inability for conventional brick-and-mortar merchants to provide efficient and timely consumer support frequently results in a loss of sales for the merchant and increased dissatisfaction of consumers.

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This Valerian sequel looks even worse.

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Lame Bike.

I feel personally attacked.

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"Now you have ████████ problems"

U+202E:

The logical next step of my c++ shenanigans: I've taken the source of my hexdumping tool 'hxdmp' and made it invisible (aside from a bunch of defines) by abusing U+200B Zero Width Space. This is perfectly legal C++11 code. I'm sorry and you're welcome.

#include <stdbool.h>
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdint.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <getopt.h>
#define ​ "\x1b[38;5;%dm"
#define ​​ !=
#define ​​​ (
#define ​​​​ {
#define ​​​​​ "\x1b[0m"
#define ​​​​​​ )
#define ​​​​​​​ }
#define ​​​​​​​​ ]
#define ​​​​​​​​​ &&
#define ​​​​​​​​​​ ++
...

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Joe O'Donoghue sues Willie Brown for failing to properly launder illegal Breed campaign money

What is the world coming to when you can't count on Willie Brown to commit election fraud properly?

Here's one for the ages: Joe O'Donoghue, longtime political leader of the Residential Builders Association and political player in SF, is suing former Mayor Willie Brown -- because he says Brown misdirected $50,000 that O'Donoghue wanted spent on an independent campaign to elect London Breed.

The politics here are amazing: Two former allies are at odds -- and a charitable nonprofit that Brown sent the money to says it was, indeed, fulfilling O'Donoghue's wish to influence the election. [...]

O'Dononghue knew he couldn't give that money directly to Breed; that would violate campaign-finance laws. So he wanted Brown to advise him on how to spend it on an independent-expenditure effort.

Brown, Berko told me, promised that if Joe wrote a $50,000 check, it would go to an IE supporting Breed. "He said that something just needed to be set up," Berko said.

There were, at that point, at least two existing IEs supporting Breed. But Brown didn't direct the money to them. Instead, he asked O'Donoghue to make out the check to APRI -- a nonprofit with an SF chapter in the Bayview. Berko said his client had no idea who APRI was. When he learned that the cash had not gone to a Breed IE, but instead to "a favorite charity of Willie Brown," he asked for his money back. [...]

If this doesn't settle soon, the discovery is going to be really, really interesting.

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A webshit shits webshit about webshit

This week's n-gate:

  • A parasite compiles buzzwords into a Google Docs text file. In response, a Hackernews apostate suggests that perhaps building a lasting business at a sustainable pace is within the realm of possibility. The Hackernews Re-education Squad parachutes into the resulting panic to firmly explain that hockey-stick growth followed by acquisition or IPO is the only acceptable path forward, and that making a low-six-figure income in an affordable community is a dangerous myth. The real question is: during your normal, necessary, not-excessive twelve-hour work day, are you more productive before dawn or after dusk? [...]

  • An Internet has a hobby. Hackernews likes to watch. The hobby involves Lisp, whose evangelists are so ancient and terrifying that the Rust Evangelism Strike Force declares the entire comment thread a no-fly zone and produces new maps marking the area as lost territory, impenetrable to the faithful.

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The best way to profit from Bitcorn:

Buy the domain "crypto.com" in 1993.

During that quarter century the "dotcom" era came and went, but for whatever reason, I held on to the domain as basically a personal home, a kind of Internet version of the little house increasingly enveloped by skyscrapers in Pixar's Up. (You kids can get off my lawn now, please.) [...]

Last month, I reached an agreement to sell the domain. I have no idea what the new owner plans to use it for beyond what I read in the trade press, and I have no financial stake in their business. The details will have to stay confidential, but I will say that I'm satisfied with the outcome and that it involved neither tulips nor international postal reply coupons.

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Existential Threat

Not yourself? Alert a police officer or an MTA employee.

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Things that happen in Silicon Valley and also the Soviet Union

Anton Troynikov:

  • Waiting years to receive a car you ordered, to find that it's of poor workmanship and quality.
  • Promises of colonizing the solar system while you toil in drudgery day in, day out.
  • Living five adults to a two room apartment.
  • Being told you are constructing utopia while the system crumbles around you.
  • 'Totally not illegal taxi' taxis by private citizens moonlighting to make ends meet.
  • Everything slaved to the needs of the military-industrial complex.
  • Mandatory workplace political education.
  • Productivity largely falsified to satisfy appearance of sponsoring elites.
  • Deviation from mainstream narrative carries heavy social and political consequences.
  • Networked computers exist but they're really bad.
  • Henry Kissinger visits sometimes for some reason.
  • Elite power struggles result in massive collateral damage, sometimes purges.
  • Failures are bizarrely upheld as triumphs.
  • Otherwise extremely intelligent people just turning the crank because it's the only way to get ahead.
  • The plight of the working class is discussed mainly by people who do no work.
  • The United States as a whole is depicted as evil by default.
  • The currency most people are talking about is fake and worthless.
  • The economy is centrally planned, using opaque algorithms not fully understood by their users.

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