First Look: Olsen Twins Release Line of Wiccan Supplies

Now, the twins have decided to embark on a new adventure: releasing a line of products for Wiccan beginners:

Minimalist Cauldron ($395)

There are a few staple pieces every witch should include in his or her altar. Emphasis on few. We fervently believe in keeping things minimal, and also implementing the word 'minimal' into our vocabulary as often as we smoke a cigarette (every 10-12 minutes). [...]

Ritual Candles ($79 per candle)

Keep your space free of negative energy. Our one-of- a-kind ritual candles come in an assortment of muted colors for various uses, and are GREAT for casting spells that will curse your enemies with red-wine teeth for eternity.

A Chic, Rusticized Cigarette Case That's Haunted By The Ghosts of a Family From the Victorian Era ($95)

Great accessory for chainsmoking outside of a Starbucks.

Special-Edition Amulet ($110 + A vial of tears from an Anthropologie employee)

Many witches use amulets as a form of protection against bad luck, illness, or evil. But the sad truth is, many of these amulets don't harbor any magical properties. Our special-edition amulets are proven to bear magical powers, and when wearing one, you'll have the ability to do things like make all the candles in a room extinguish upon entering it, possess an intern, and conjure Starbucks points, and, if you wear it during a full moon, Enya will come over and do a tarot reading on you.

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8 Responses:

  1. MattyJ says:

    The language and rhythm there isn't that far off from Goop, which might be hilarious or frightening. Not sure yet.

    • dano says:

      This is Goop anti-matter.
      Bring the two together and the planet explodes in a ball of green fire.
      Or not.

  2. Jan Kujawa says:

    Weirdest timeline

  3. Fighting skekses ain’t cheap. Gelflings got bills to pay.

  4. Following a lead from Fairuza Balk I see

  5. MrEricSir says:

    Still a better career move than Fuller House.

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