DNA Lounge: Wherein DNA Lounge is now 32 years old.

Happy DNA Lounge Day! This club opened on November 22, 1985.

In honor of this joyous occasion, I'll tell you some sad stories about finances.

Codeword closed at the end of July, which means that August was the first month in which we didn't have to pay rent over there or otherwise subsidize that operation. Our bookkeepers finalized the August books last week, and guess what, we managed to lose $60,000 that month anyway!

How are we still so fucked? I have no idea.

Well, the answer is "not enough people are showing up", but I don't know what to do about it.

And now that Halloween weekend is over, we enter the Dark Times. Our business always drops precipitously between Halloween and New Year's Eve. Basically we can only count on those two "good" weekends from November through January. People just don't go out.

Some venues manage to make up the end-of-year slump by getting a bunch of corporate holiday parties. We've never managed to do that effectively. We typically only book a couple of them. Hey, want do you your company party here? That would be awesome...

The Koi Division show was fantastic, though. They were both funny and a very good band!

Remember last month when we had that $6,000 plumbing incident with the jackhammers? Well last week, our Soundweb died again. Soundweb is the digital audio processing system that runs the whole sound system back-end. The product has been out of production for years, so we've been living off of eBay'ed spare parts for quite some time. That trick isn't really working any more, so now we have to upgrade to the new thing in a hurry. That cost about $3,000. And then mere days later, our live sound board died. The replacement for that is about $4,000.

And look at that, suddenly that's $13,000 of "emergency" repairs in a single four week period.

We should spin this as "look at all these great sound system upgrades that we've done!" but really it's, "look at all this crap that broke that we absoutely cannot afford to replace right now, except that if we don't, we can't open the doors!"

Hooray.

So, if you felt like joining our Patreon, or making a big-ol' year-end donation, we sure could use the help!

Also we're still trying to sell our two broken espresso machines, in the hope of using that money to buy one working one -- meaning our cafe still has no espresso drinks. Nobody is biting on the sale so far, though. Here's the eBay listing; pass it on if you know someone in the market for one. Fun fact: espresso machines cost more than mixing consoles.

We did manage to find a buyer for the Codeword liquor license, hooray! But that's contingent on ABC paperwork, so it will probably be more than six months before we see that money.

"How are pizza deliveries going?" I will now pretend that you asked. Not great. Even though we've had online ordering and late-night delivery up and running again for a few months now, our delivery business is down 75% compared to this time last year. Now, our delivery business has always been a relatively small part of the restaurant's overall revenue, but we're still talking about thousands of dollars per month. It's hard to guess why that business hasn't returned.

Possibly it's because Eat24 has the lion's share of the market, and since we can't use them for ordering any more, none of their customers manage to find us? The sites we are using are GrubHub (they are the more popular service, but they only deliver until 11pm); Postmates (they deliver 24 hours!) and DoorDash. (they deliver until 5am).

As far as we can tell, the only other sites that actually do deliveries (rather than taking orders only) are caviar.com and waiter.com but both of them seem to be ignoring us.

Oh, I understand that the Codeword space is now going to be... a sports bar.

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Uncanny

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Keith Broni, Emoji Translator

Keith Broni, Emoji Translator

Thanks to his master's degree in business psychology from University College London, Broni understands the growing importance of emojis to consumer marketing and communications. But they are not without their potential pitfalls.

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Recent movies

The Lure: This is the greatest carnivorous mermaid musical that I've ever seen. It falls down a bit in the third act, but before that it's just fantastic. Highly recommended.

What Happened to Monday? In answer to your query, "I don't give a shit". It's a terrible knock-off of Orphan Black starring a vastly lesser actor. Seven identical twins are all pretending to be one person and each putting on a wig and leaving the house and going to work one day a week for 38 years. The unaddressed questions that will occur to you in the first two minutes are: How does she/they have an accent that is different from every other character in the movie? And, given that their only downtime contact is with each other and their father, why do they bother dying their hair different colors? I'd think that after let's say year 19 you'd get pretty tired of dealing with that shit and just all have the same haircut.

War For The Planet Of The Apes: I remember watching this and thinking it wasn't as terrible as I expected, but I now couldn't tell you a thing that happened in it. Oh, I do remember thinking, "How many species of ape are there, anyway? Are they just making shit up now?"

The Vault: Worthless heist movie. Nothing of merit happened here.

Baby Driver: Worthless heist movie. Nothing of merit happened here. This is by-the-numbers crap, and I can't understand why so many people talked it up so much. Yeah, it's shot like a video, but most heist movies are shot like videos. The lead is a dimwitted man-child whose whose sunglasses pass for depth, I guess? Why. Why does this exist.

The Osiris Child: It felt like I just watched 5 seasons of an anime and didn't give a shit about any of it. Like most anime, it left me thinking, that's a detailed generic background and there seems to be some backstory here but who are these people and why should I care?

The Hitman's Bodyguard: I assume this was made entirely of Deadpool 2 outtakes, but as such, it's a surprisingly fun buddy road-trip movie. Samuel L. Jackson does his Samuel L. Jackson impression and that's just fine.

Singularity: Well, I covered this turd in my Valerian review.

It Comes at Night: An unsatisfying movie that never reveals its Big Bad and whose premise is, "People's mistrust of each other gets them all killed". When The Twilight Zone did this theme over and over again at least they gave you someone to vaguely care about.

Ingrid Goes West: It's a movie about a creepy Instagram stalker, and much less of a comedy than the trailer indicates. It's Single White Female where everyone is just a little more dimwitted, venal and terrible. I enjoyed it a lot. I wonder if Instagram paid for this product placement. I wonder if they understood it.

Batman and Harley Quinn: This is excellent, and very funny. It's nice to see the real Harley again. I'm glad that DC is apparently segmented enough that they are still able to make competent animated movies without their live-action shitshow spilling over into the one thing that they did well.

A Dark Song: A slow movie about a pair of people conducting a multi-month magical ritual. It's creepy, unpleasant, abusive, and I'm not sure I'd say I actually enjoyed it, but it's certainly something I haven't really seen before.

Darling: This is a good looking movie, but the plot is paper thin. It was just kind of gross and cruel.

Thor Ragnarok: This was just perfect for what it was. It makes you interested in Thor. How did they even do that?

TV:

The Orville: I barely made it through the first episode, and it filled me with rage. Someone gave this shithead a budget to cosplay Star Trek with the premise, "You know what would have made Trek better? If Kirk was a racist drunk who hates his ex wife." Fuck that show. This review nailed it.

Extiinct: I saw this extremely Canadian-looking Riverworld kind off thing pop up on one of the torrent sites and gave it a shot, and then in the opening credits I realized my terrible mistake when I saw "A BYU-TV Production" and "Orson Scott Card". Oh nooooooo.... I hate-watched it for about ten minutes and it was even worse than you can possibly imagine. But! This is an apocalyptic sci-fi piece-of-shit literally paid for by a church and I'm not talking about Battlefield Earth. So it's good to see that the Mormons and the Scientologists are still playing "hold my beer".

Philip K. Dick's Electric Dreams: This kind of thing is the kind of thing that I like, but I couldn't make it all the way through any of the first three episodes. This is just remarkably awful.

Channel Zero: No-End House: This is pretty decent and creepy, and much better than the (unrelated, plot-wise) first season. It's only six episodes long, and it probably should have been four, but it's worth a look.

The Inhumans: I think I've adequately covered this already, but just as an epilogue, I was 100% sure they were going to magically grow Medusa's hair back for a boss battle at the end of the series finale, but no, they didn't even squirrel away the $50 they needed for the effects to do that. She was bald and powerless for the entire series. (She did not fight a giant spider.)

The Gifted: Even though this shares a lot of paint-by-numbers plot with (the utterly deplorable) Heroes -- "anti-mutant dad realizes kids are mutants and the family goes on the run, because family family it's all about family" -- it's not bad. Much about it is full-bore cliché, but so far they comport themselves well. Ok, that's faint praise. It's no Legion, I guess I'm saying.

People of Earth: A bunch of people are in a support group for alien abductees. The aliens are complete boneheads who are bad at their jobs. Everyone involved in the production of this show clearly spends a lot of time stoned. But it's pretty funny.

Preacher: Season 2 was not nearly as good as season 1. They were charming assholes in the first season, but now they're just kind of regular assholes.

The Tick: It's exactly what you need from a Tick series. I give it 7 out of a possible 10 Ticks.

Travelers: Time travelers from the future trying to something-something-something MacGuffin, but the kink is that they can only show up here by overwriting someone else's brain, which they try to do in the last minutes of that person's life. (George from Dead Like Me is not involved.) The big failure of this show is that we know nothing about these characters' actual backstory, so all we have is their cover identity, which makes their personalities weird and wooden. The first season was a so-so caper-of-the-week kind of deal, but the second season is going a bit better. I have hopes for their Big Bad.

Mr. Robot: I'm still enjoying it, but I'm worried that they're running out of steam. Also, this season they've been hinting at... a thing... and I'm sitting here thinking, "No. No. Please god no. Don't do the thing." I'm experiencing a "Matrix Revolutions" level of dread that they might do the thing.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency: Season 1 was kind of... whatever, but I am really loving season 2. It's completely bonkers.

The Punisher: Hey wow, it's another show starring Gun Guy. It's great that the world's more boring superhero Gun Guy is getting some more screen time.

Ok, first of all, this show is boring. Didn't he already get revenge on his wife's killers like three separate times already? They keep pulling the, "Oh, just kidding, really it was these other guys" switch. I don't care.

Second, given the extremely suboptimal timeline we're living in, and how beloved Gun Guy is by nazis, cops and other racists, how does someone think that making a show about their hero is... a good plan? "But he's not a hero, he's an anti-hero that bad people are all misinterpreting!" people will say. No, I'm sorry, that's false. Gun Guy is the hero of this story. He only mass-murders bad people, while having exactly the same contempt for the rule of law as Daredevil, Batman and every other vigilante. The "anti-hero" claim does not hold up at all, not in the story they told here.

And in case there was any doubt that the entire story is a dick-swinging contest, there are two separate scenes where two different guys make first-person jokes about the size of their dicks. That's 2/3rds of the male leads in this show literally talking to the camera about their dicks. The other 1/3rd has a wall full of machine guns.

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Teeth

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Today in Skydong news

NAVY ADMITS TO BEING INVOLVED IN OBSCENE SKYDRAWINGS:

Navy officials said, "The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable."

Photos sent to KREM 2 by multiple sources show skydrawings of what some people are saying is male genitalia.

Heresay! Pernicious nonsense!

Some sources have even tweeted pictures of what they saw.

They what now. Tweeted! Why I never.

A mother who lives in Okanogan who took pictures of the drawings reached out to KREM 2 to complain about the images, saying she was upset she might have to explain to her young children what the drawings were.

That does sound like quite a ... pickle.

What do you call pareidolia for dongs? Pareidonglia?

KREM 2 spoke to the Federal Aviation Administration to get some information about who may have made the drawings. FAA officials said unless the act poses a safety risk, there is nothing they can do about. The official said they "cannot police morality."

This response, I must say, actually surprises me.

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Earth & Moon

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Atlas Murderbot can do goddamned backflips now

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Slaughterbots

Slaughterbots

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DNA Lounge: Wherein cassettes are very big right now.

We have some fancy new furniture in the restaurant! They are "Taybles". I ordered them from a Kickstarter almost a year go, back when Codeword was still open, thinking they'd go well there. But they finally shipped this weekend, because that's how Kickstarters go...

They have some features that are nice for a coffee table in your home, but less nice when turning our customers loose on them. The cupholders are removable, so I glued those in and drilled drain holes in the bottom. And the "tape" side of it flips open and has a little storage area inside. At home, you might store your remote control there. In a restaurant, that's where drunks will chuck their leftover pizza to rot. So I had to seal all of those openings. Also I put taller, stronger legs on them.

The tape label is a dry-erase surface, but I'm sure it will be unrepairably tagged in no time, because people are terrible. So, I don't expect these to survive for very long here, but oh well, I already paid for them. Enjoy them while they last!

And if the tape comes out, please use a giant pencil to wind it back in.

Upcoming shows of note:

Friday we have Mercury Soul with their cool hybrid of classical music and EDM. Their last couple of events were really fun. There's a nice write-up about this one in 7x7.

And then Saturday we have Koi Division, the world's greatest fish-pun-themed Joy Division tribute band! It's going to be kind of like that time Ian Curtis rode a roller coaster:


Here's something that hasn't happened in a while: Hubba Hubba Revue got a cease-and-desist nastygram from a lawyer for calling their recent animal-themed burlesque show "Wild Kingdom". (Did you know that show is still on the air? Neither did I!) Oh, trademark lawyers. They are so lovely, and not in any way parasitic blights:

Trademarks: the good, the bad and the ugly:

Genericide is rare, though. Microsoft doesn't advertise "google it on Bing!" and Miele doesn't sell a line of "hoovers." Genericide is mostly a spectre, and like all spectres, it serves a purpose.

That purpose? Full employment for trademark lawyers.

Trademark lawyers have convinced their clients that they must pay to send a threatening notice to everyone who uses a trademark without permission, even where there is no chance of confusion. They send letters by the lorryload to journalists, website operators, signmakers, schools, dictionary publishers -- anyone who might use their marks in a way that weakens the association in the public mind. But weakening an association is not illegal, despite the expansion of doctrines such as "dilution" and "naked licensing."

When called out on policing our language, trademark holders and their lawyers usually shrug their shoulders and say, "Nothing to do with us. The law requires us to threaten you, or we lose our association, and thus our mark." This is a very perverse way of understanding trademark.

So we have retconned that show to be called "Hubba Hubba Revue: Cease & Desist: Formerly The One With Animals".

Of which there are photos. But first, the last of the Halloween photos have come in:

All Hallow's Eve
Booootie
Death Guild
And some other recent events too:

Turbo Drive: Tonebox
Trance Family: 4 Strings
Warning
Turbo Drive: Protector 101

500th Bootie
Hubba Hubba: Cease & Desist
Bootie: Britney
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