Thong-Clad Driver Was Covered In Vaseline

Deputy Beebe made contact with a nearly naked white male driver sitting in the driver's seat.

He noted that the driver had a bikini thong covering his genitals. He observed an opened jar of Vaseline that was nearly empty and noted that the driver had Vaseline covering his hands, upper and lower body parts. He also observed a pornographic magazine in the passenger seat.

He asked Kellerman if he was masturbating while driving and Kellerman stated that he had been masturbating. He noted that Kellerman offered a rag to wipe the Vaseline off of the ID card. He refused Kellerman's 'semen rag' and returned to his patrol car.

Sgt. Niles arrived on scene and carefully completed a vehicle inventory. Sgt. Niles was advised that the driver's area in the vehicle was extremely greasy due to the Vaseline.

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7 Responses:

  1. Will says:

    Who hasn't been stopped by the police whilst driving covered in Vaseline?...

  2. apm74 says:

    Disappointed driver was not a Florida Man.

  3. anon3494 says:

    We don't know for sure that he isn't originally from Florida, but we do know:
    "Kellerman was subsequently arrested after a check revealed that his license had been revoked (and had not been valid since 1985). Kellerman has spent most of the past 27 years in state prison on an assortment of charges, including narcotics possession, domestic assault, auto theft, burglary, and escape from confinement."

    • jwz says:

      Escape from confinement isn'tsurprising, he's obviously a slippery character.

      • anon3494 says:

        Well you know what they say, luck is the residue of design. And this guy has more residue than anyone.

  4. Dave says:

    is that a crime now?

  5. Mark says:

    I think everyone's glad to see a quick return to technical posts.

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