"Smart" quotes are a pox upon the face of the Earth

My least favorite byte is 0x00, for obvious reasons, followed closely by 0x11 and 0x13, for other obvious reasons, but really, I'm developeing a deep, abiding, years-long hatred for the sequences 0xE28098, 0xE28099, 0xE2809C, 0xE2809D and their fancy pirate names \u2018, \u2019, \u201C and \u201D.

When I type a god damned double-quote, you know what I want to appear? A god damned double-quote, a single-ducking-byte 0x22 thank you very god damned much. If I wanted some Unicrud up in this shit, I'd have ducking typed it. Did I stutter?

So because we (or at least I) still live in a world where HTML is a thing that one must occasionally actually type by hand (like an animal) and because the iOS on-screen keyboard is a monstrous horror that makes that (to be generous) extremely annoying, I have a few keyboard shortcuts, such as

That used to do what it said. See those straight up-and-down quotes there? Yeah, that's what I typed. I ducking typed that. But guess what! After the latest iOS upgrade, when I type ahref, what gets inserted? Waaaait for it...

Ooooh, curly!! Sure, that's close enough to what I meant. You know, except for the part where it doesn't actually work at all.

Even when you try to type an actual quote on the keyboard, you have to jump through an extra hold-and-pull-down-the-key hoop:

I'm surprised -- no really, I'm actually surprised -- that it's not also turning my hyphens into one of Unicrud's Nine Billion Alternate Names For Horizontal Obsolescent Latin En Dash.

And then of course WordPress spreads an extra layer of creamy turd on top of the whole sundae. Here are only the things I've discovered so far to make WordPress leave your god damned characters alone. I'm sure there are more lurking, and more sneak in with every release:

remove_filter ('the_content', 'wpautop');
remove_action ('admin_print_styles', 'print_emoji_styles');
remove_action ('wp_head', 'print_emoji_detection_script', 7);
remove_action ('admin_print_scripts', 'print_emoji_detection_script');
remove_action ('wp_print_styles', 'print_emoji_styles');
remove_filter ('wp_mail', 'wp_staticize_emoji_for_email');
remove_filter ('the_content_feed', 'wp_staticize_emoji');
remove_filter ('comment_text_rss', 'wp_staticize_emoji');
add_filter ('emoji_svg_url', '__return_false');

What the hell is wrong with you people. I can't even.

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Ohio, Northernmost State of the Confederacy

Fun fact: Ohio, the latest Southern state to re-dedicate itself to the traitorous armed insurrection by slavers, shares a border with Canada.

When you try to be better about racism but decide you're not really about that life: an American story.

In today's chapter, we go to Franklin Township in Ohio. Now, if you consult your history books, you'll find that Ohio was a Union state during the Civil War. Which makes the fact that the township installed a marker in 1927 honoring Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee all the more peculiar. [...]

Because fools and their Confederate monuments are not soon parted, the Lee monument will be returned to be reinstalled and rededicated. The city of Franklin will also throw in $2,000 to pay for damages sustained during the removal of the marker's plaque.

"In loving memory of Robert E. Lee," the plaque reads. "And to mark the route of the Dixie Highway."

Ah, the Dixie Highway. It's never really far, is it?

True, but I was used to it being a little farther south of the Manson-Nixon line than this.

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Mark your calendars

Upcoming events of note:

Wed, Oct 04:   Nudie Nubies @ DNA Lounge
Sat, Oct 07:   Billie Eilish @ Rickshaw Stop
Fri, Oct 13:   Coucheron @ Rickshaw Stop
Fri, Oct 13:   Poptone, Drab Majesty @ Mezzanine
Fri, Oct 13:   Turbo Drive: Tonebox, Lucy in Disguise @ DNA Lounge
Tue, Oct 17:   Tei Shi @ Rickshaw Stop
Thu, Oct 19:   Yumi Zouma @ Rickshaw Stop
Thu, Oct 19:   Soft Moon @ Mezzanine
Fri, Oct 20:   Tom Gun Live @ DNA Lounge
Sun, Oct 22:   Silversun Pickups @ Fox
Oct 27, 28, 29:   Yelle @ Rickshaw Stop
Sat, Oct 28:   Swmrs, The Regrettes @ The UC Theatre
Sun, Oct 29:   Turbo Drive: Protector 101 @ DNA Lounge
Mon, Oct 30:   EMA @ Rickshaw
Tue, Oct 31:   All Hallow's Eve @ DNA Lounge
Fri, Nov 03:   Børns @ Rickshaw Stop
Tue, Nov 07:   Astronomy on Tap @ DNA Lounge
Sat, Nov 11:   The Breeders @ Rickshaw Stop
Sun, Nov 12:   Punk-Metal Flea Market @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Nov 15:   Dance With The Dead & Gost @ DNA Lounge
Sat, Nov 18:   Koi Division @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Nov 22:   Dark Sparkle @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Nov 29:   Pale Waves @ Rickshaw Stop
Sun, Dec 03:   Skating Polly, Starcrawler @ DNA Lounge
Thu, Dec 07:   Pixies @ Fox

What have you got?

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The Future of Dongs

@MajorMcDoom: "Wrote a genetic algorithm to determine how phallic a 3D object is. I call it... the Dicktector."

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