Today in ThreatButt News

Like a threat in your butt:

This week Inc. reports with a complete straight face that "This Startup Recruited a Hollywood Designer to Create the Coolest Cybersecurity Software You've Ever Seen." ProtectWise (ClownWise was taken) has created a video game interface for visualizing and flying around inside a simulation of threaty network threats.

The ProtectWise video demo "The Immersive Grid" elicits the Viking-grade Pew-Pew Map that blew our minds to cybersmithereens and was so in fashion until Norse tanked and everyone forgot the power of Viking-grade cumulus cloud threat intelligence. Who doesn't miss the heady days of Threatbutt's "Big Data backed Sticking-a-pin-in-map-of-about-eight-countries platform"?

But no one forgot the power of marketing gimmicks and now there is a patented video game interface for hunting down threaty threats; ProtectWise is currently surfing into the next recession on a flotilla of $67 million in VC funding. I for one look forward to the mods, which I hope will include some kind of cool threat intel gun powered by your PR team's desperation to get you quoted in The New York Times, which does more damage when your attribution claims are the least credible.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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10 Responses:

  1. Christoph says:

    Once you remember that Gibson wrote the Sprawl stories 30, 40 years ago - the claim of a "revolutionary interface" becomes even more ridiculous.

  2. David says:

    Great. Now I have to eat crow, and go find and apologize to some people for ruining their career aspirations, telling them that actual system administration was nothing like what was depicted in Hackers.

  3. Brian says:

    I seem to remember somebody doing something like that with, I think, NMAP and the Doom engine not too long after Id open sourced it.

  4. Rich says:

    I don't think their patents will be worth much once someone points out the prior art in Jurassic Park: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFUlAQZB9Ng

  • Previously