"This Red Band Trailer For A $100M House Makes Me Want To Be A Socialist"

Have you ever wondered what would happen if a 'Cinemax After Dark' special, a James Bond movie, the Guy On Hollywood Boulevard Whose Whole Body Is Covered In Gold Paint, and the gnawing emptiness of late-stage capitalism screwed in the backseat of a very high-end car and then gave birth to a three-minute Red Band trailer for, um, a house?

Well, WONDER NO MORE, for this has happened:

Yes, the above is a "trailer" for Opus, a $100 million "state of the art dream home" currently for sale in Los Angeles. We "wanted to do something really high art," a spokesperson for the home told LAist in reference to the short film. The house has Roberto Cavalli flooring, a 15-seat curved screen theater with JBL Synthesis Audio, two massive bars -- one of which has a "Winestation" that preserves and dispenses glasses with the exact amount and temperature desired -- a gourmet show kitchen with an iPad-controlled coffee machine, Longhi doors in suede and embossed leather, and a separate catering/event kitchen.

The video begins with a shot of the giant, looming "O" that stands in front of the house, presumably in reference to Opus, the home's name [...] JK! The "O" irrefutably stands for "orgasm," which is what a human being would have every minute of every day if they had $100 million to spare on a sex home.

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22 Responses:

  1. phuzz says:

    What kind of peasant buys a house that doesn't have it's own introductory film?
    How else will the hoi polloi know how much better you are than they?

  2. Heather says:

    First of all, that kitchen/living room is an exact replica of the one in Bojack Horseman. Second of all, what kind of Lynchian nightmare IS this?! Also NSFW, jeebus.

  3. Jesus. How far up capitalism's asshole would you have to be to make this and think it was a good idea?

    The DSA should just play this as an ad for socialism.

  4. This house would really shine as a homicide crime scene or as a target for a cruise missile.

  5. This is just someone figuring out the most effective way to market real estate to money laundering Russian oligarchs.

  6. apm74 says:

    This is why Trump won.

  7. David Mercer says:

    In addition to the resemblance to the BoJack Horseman house in some respects, as noted above...it looks like that one had a baby with Notch's ridiculous place in LA

  8. Doodpants says:

    Someone really needs to edit this video to insert Opus the penguin into various shots, like it's his house.

  9. UnlikelyLass says:

    Good Grief. We're all going to die so these *ssh*les can one-up each other util the Earth is an uninhabitable wasteland.

  10. behindthedriver says:

    I can't help but think how outdated and crappy a lot of these things are going to seem in a relatively short amount of time. In 10 years telling someone you control your junk with an iPad could seem like telling them you're using a palm pilot now.

    Maybe I'm some kind of outlier but if I had 100 million to spend on a house I'd want a video showing how they've come up with plumbing that never breaks or double pane glass that never gets moisture trapped between the two panes.

    • jwz says:

      Uh, I think if you have $100M for your sex house, you just get a new house when the glass on the coke table gets stained.

      You don't actually get a look at the house until 60 seconds in! The house is secondary.

    • Glaurung says:

      "if I had 100 million to spend on a house I'd want a video showing how they've come up with plumbing that never breaks"

      Available in Canada, for a lot less than 100 million:
      http://holmesapprovedhomes.com/approved-builders/all-builders

    • Chris says:

      It constantly amazes me how advanced Manitoba's window industry is compared to the rest of the world. Triple-pane is standard and nothing gets in there. It might be the only thing we do well.

    • k3ninho says:

      I thought about the 'if I had $100M to spend' thread, thanks for kicking things off.

      Fo $100M, I might go for fewer female gold people with blonde hair and a wider mix of identifying and non-identifying genders, people groups and ethnic heritages sharing the "art space". From what I hear however much you start with, you end up on Patreon seeking funding when the money runs out.

      K3n.

  11. Mario says:

    Why do they need to do this? Isn't there enough demand for homes in Beverly Hills? Is this like when the Medellin cartel started building submarines - because they were desperate?

  12. thielges says:

    The golden bubbly water just after 1:00 is reminiscent of Andres Serrano's Piss Christ. Maybe the seller ought to buy that piece and hang it for staging. Fits in with the golden theme.

  13. Jon Bailey says:

    Tiny giraffe to be supplied by purchaser.

    ... While checking all the "Previously"s it occurred to me that some sort of mouse-over hint would be nicer than popping open seven more tabs. But I don't know what a tolerable equivalent would be for mobile.

    • jwz says:

      Well, you can see the title of the post in the URLs on desktop when you mouse over them. There's no sensible way to do that on mobile, I guess.

  14. MattyJ says:

    Walkscore: 0

    WOULD NOT BUY.

  15. Frank Miller says:

    I don't know about socialism, but the house definitely makes me want to become a pornographer.

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