Animatronic Trump

@bornmiserable: "I replaced Trump with his Disney animatronic figure and honestly, it's an improvement."




I would also like to take this moment to renew my request that someone take a supercut of the Scooby Gang unmasking shady real-estate developers and paste Trump's face in.

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15 Second Horror Film Challenge

These are mostly pretty great!

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30 Days of Stuff

Jason Scott, free-range archivist, reporting in as 2017 draws to a close:

As part of our end-of-year fundraising drive, I thought it might be fun to tweet highlighted parts of the vast stacks of content that the Internet Archive makes available for free to millions. A lot of folks know about our Wayback Machine and its 20+ years of website history, but there's petabytes of media and works available to see throughout the site. I called it "30 Days of Stuff", and for the last 30 days I've been pointing out great items at the Archive, once a day.

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Batman Returns

This is a pretty solid argument that Batman Returns is The World's Greatest Christmas Movie.

Though I may be unduly swayed by all the Catwoman GIFs.

  1. Forget Christmas carols or sweet scenes of family harmony. Batman Returns begins with a Pee-Wee Herman cameo and two rich jerks pitching their cat-eating baby into a river to drown.

  2. Monstrous infant -- so screamy and wild -- does not die, but rather slides down the dark sewers of Gotham City to a colony of penguins. It's a holiday miracle!

  1. Oh, Penguin. How preposterous that this gross man with disgusting eating habits, tiny hands, awful hair, repugnant behavior, and no prior political experience could be considered a viable candidate! Oh, wait. Oh GOD.

  2. Batman's out battling evil clowns. Catwoman's out smashing the patriarchy.
  1. Selina was killed by her boss for being "too good" at her job. Catwoman is killed by the Penguin for rejecting his sexual advances. When she screams, she shatters the glass ceiling.

  1. This monstrous man, who feels he's entitled to women's bodies and owed wealth and power, sees his political prospects dashed when a disturbing audio tape revealing his atrocious true colors is played for the public. What a delightful fantasy world this is!
  1. Once the whole "kill the children" plan fails, Penguin spins in an instant to Plan C, which involves strapping missiles to the backs of hundreds of penguins. Which means he had hundreds of missiles and penguin straps at the ready. Which means Penguin had this contingency plan in his pocket all along. It's like he didn't even really care about being mayor. It's like he just wanted the attention, not the responsibility. Can you imagine a man as monstrous as that?

  2. Penguin is Trump is what I'm saying.

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Regrets

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Today in Fuckless Fuckloaf news:

Qoobo, The Headless, Vibrating Pussy Pillow.
"Stroke it. Feel the Reaction. Get Healed."

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SOMA Nature Walk

This drawbridge is our last line of defense against Potrero.

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Even my own bank is canvas-fingerprinting me.

It's the new hotness in surreptitious privacy violation, you know.

And it makes perfect sense for my bank to be doing this to me, since I'm logged in and they already have all my money. They already have the complete Identity Theft Kit, how much more do they need to know?

(Also that dialog should win some kind of "Enter to Exit" award for inapprehensiblity.)

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Church of Christ, Brutalist

@gabrielenguard "Want to come to our NORMAL church to NORMALLY worship our perfectly NORMAL Christ."





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What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

Throat
  • Open safety pin
  • "Swallowed staples because 'aliens told her to'"
  • "Swallowed earring in her sleep that was in mouth when she fell asleep"
  • "Swallowed a pen because no one paid attention to him"
  • "Found after swallowing 1/2 pack of gum in room at home, empty wrappers everywhere"
  • "Injured after eating charging end of cell phone"
  • "Swallowed 3 plastic push-pins in a dare at school, won $15"

Vagina

  • "Was cleaning self in shower when found a tampon in vagina. concerned that there is another tampon in vagina"
  • A piece of rusty metal
  • Silicon balls. Patient states is for "you know, for when your husband leaves town"
  • "On period, inserted non-birth control sponge in vagina so she could swim"
  • "Was having sexual intercourse with boyfriend when he put phone and money in vagina"
  • "Using massaging urethral vaginal stone balls & the string holding 15 balls together dissolved, can only find 14 balls"

Rectum

  • Peanut butter jar
  • "Stuck a toy up his rectum because he thought he was constipated"
  • "At a party having fun with his male friends when one put a shot glass up his rectum"
  • Plastic vibrating dildo, can not turn off
  • "Attempted to dislodge a dildo from his anus using a letter opener"
  • Cigar tube to relieve hemorrhoids
  • "Feeling lonely, used a mascara container in plastic bag, put in rectum"
  • "Was drinking with friends and 'got to experimenting,' Air freshener container stuck in anus"
  • "Sat in bathtub and felt something go into her anus"
  • Cat food can
  • "Water bottle in rectum, does this to reduce anxiety"
  • 3 AA batteries
  • 2 AAA batteries
  • D battery
  • "Patient said i have a coin in my ass from a month ago"

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  • Previously