This is what we have to deal with, you guys. This is what the world has come to.

From: Someone whose email address contains both the words "expert" and "support"
Subject: Cannot order tickets online - missing buttons?
To: orders@dnalounge.com

Hi there, I'm on a desktop browser to order 2 tix for tomorrow's Odd Salon. I don't see any button for "Buy Now" or "Add to Cart" or similar.

All the DNA phone numbers are non working or lead to voice mails.

Here's what I see for that ticket ordering. Apparently my friend can complete the purchase but can't you fix this? I'm on desktop browser: Chrome Version 49.0.2623.112 (64-bit) on Mac, can't upgrade browser any further than what it is now. Don't have ordering apps on mobile, only desktop.

I could describe that NASCAR nightmare as a lot of things, but "insufficient buttons" is not one of them.

Also note the cherry on top: this person called all of the DNA phone numbers. Because that's how that works.

Update: Christ on a pogo stick, people. If you think this was me asking you geniuses for your web design advice, let me assure you that I was not.