The Lesser Bot of Solomon

573 Senator SABAZMONUS, DEMON of:
‣ alcoholically positioning cutthroats
572 General ABRAXEL, DEMON of:
‣ disconnectedly reviling calumnies
‣ unveiled mows
‣ peninsulas
571 Councilman BALZILSUM, DEMON of:
‣ presidential ascendancy
‣ whetstones
‣ preventive solos

570 Corporal QEPIEL, DEMON of:
‣ ushered tempters
‣ mysteriously sprucing corporations
569 Corporal AMHAZ, DEMON of:
‣ gripped steerage
567 Saint BARETHOS, DEMON of:
‣ riposting footraces

566 Abbot ANPHETIF, DEMON of:
‣ alliterated guidelines
‣ jesting dispensers
565 Saint ABAN, DEMON of:
‣ navigators
564 Colonel ANMARIPHON, DEMON of:
‣ algebraically shrieking scenarios

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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DNA Lounge: Wherein there's a cavalcade of dumb.

We only had three people ask for refunds because of the bomb threat. Two of them said, "The street was closed, so we just went home." Ok, fair enough. But one of them said something like, "You can't expect me to RISK MY LIFE!!" Seriously? I mean, even discounting the fact that being in a car is just about the most dangerous thing you could possibly do, do you know when the last time a bomb actually exploded in San Francisco was? I didn't, so I looked it up: I think it was the SFPD Park Station bombing in 1970 -- which is before the majority of our customers' parents were born. The last one before that might have been 1916. So think about that next time you notice all those expensive-looking trucks and robots and automatic weapons the bomb squad has, I guess. Who profits from your fear?

This is also dumb: I thought I'd share this status report from one of my managers from a few weeks ago:

REDACTED quit yesterday because of her torn ligament (also known as a hangover) rather than coming in, and then posted pics from the How Weird street fair.

REDACTED didn't come in because he was "sick" after getting off early Saturday night and spending all night at Bootie, drunk.

New guy yesterday got a call from another job offer and took it before clock-in for his first shift.

REDACTED decided that after his third shift, he should take acid, got booted, and then texted me hours later some crazy shit and that he woke up in the custody of a pair of paramedics.

REDACTED's third shift, she decided that flour on her clothes and bag was too much, threw fits all day, and will be joining the "graduated" employees this week.

And this was just a 24 hour period.

This is also dumb: Like all right-thinking people, I hate Yelp with the heat of a thousand suns, but I do still read our reviews there, mostly for shits and giggles. It does occasionally give me a barometer onto when it's time to remind the staff, "You have to say no more politely", but that's about it. Anyway, lately just about every Yelp review we have says, "SOMEONE STOLE MY PHONE! ONE STAR!!"

Like, how the fuck is that my fault?

These girls come to Bootie with their purses flapping in the wind, some Oliver Twist wannabe lifts their phone, and they go to Coat Check to freak out. "Oh, that's awful. We'll let you know if someone turns it in." But that's not enough, I guess? We should do more rending of garments and gnashing of teeth? We should be so sympathetic for their loss that we just hand them $600 cash and say, "You poor dear, go buy a new one"?

We actually caught a guy who had stolen a phone a few months ago: the girl saw him take it and pointed him out. But by the time security got to him, he had ditched it, so SFPD didn't arrest him.

Last year some time, SFPD had this great idea for preventing cell phone theft: they gave us a stack of flyers shaped like phones that said (I'm paraphrasing here), "Hey dumbass, do the obvious things to protect your phone." I thought handing out these flyers was the stupidest thing in the world. But you know what? Until we ran out of those flyers, the one-star reviews stopped. Maybe that flyer provided the proper level of introspection. "Oh, hey, my phone was stolen. Didn't someone had me a flyer about that not three hours ago? I guess maybe I should have been more careful."

I'm actually a little confused about why phone theft, or at least modern iPhone theft, is still a thing. Since iOS 7 in 2013, you can remotely brick your phone and there's no way to make that phone not be a paperweight without cracking the passcode, which is notoriously difficult to do. So I guess they must be stealing them just to part them out? I guess an un-cracked screen is worth about $40? That seems like a pretty low profit margin for your life of crime.

"Wants a lot of options with women."
Oh yeah, Pentagram! This also dumb!

So the origin lineup of the Pentagram show two weeks ago included Wax Idols and King Woman, but they dropped off the tour a couple of days before the DNA Lounge date. Why, you might ask?

Keep it klassy, Pentagram:

Bobby made several absurdly gross, inappropriate comments to all of the women on the tour, but the worst thing was that a fan told us that she left the Pentagram show and was super disgusted because he was making rape jokes onstage. [...]

We were also told that Bobby said the only reason he green-lighted the tour with us and King Woman was so that he could have "a lot of options with women." And the way we were treated, and the things that Bobby was saying to us, reinforced that. And made it pretty easy to believe that was true, because that was the way he treated us. I personally never felt unsafe or violated. I just felt grossed out and disrespected. My other bandmates, however, were often basically hiding from Pentagram. They wouldn't go in the green room, they would hide in the van -- they didn't want to be around at all because they were that uncomfortable. [...]

I said, "You don't know anything about what's going on in the contracts about how you're supposed to be distributing buyouts to us." [The tour manager] said, "I don't know anything about that." And I was like, "So, you don't think in any way that package payouts include our band?" And he said, "Oh, you think you're owed something, I guess." I was like, "Man, this is bullshit. We've been treated like shit this whole tour and all I'm trying to do is be treated with a basic amount of respect and do my job." And he was like, "How have you been treated like shit?" And I listed all of the ways, and that included all of the stuff Bobby and other people in their camp were doing. And he just laughed in my face and smirked and said, "Well maybe you're not cut out for this." I was like, "Ohh. Fuck. You."

Funny story. The night of the Pentagram show at DNA, Wax Idols and King Woman put on a last-minute show over at Brick and Mortar, which sold out. I think that place holds about 200 or 250? Well, the Pentagram show only got 295 people, so it seems like those openers were a pretty big draw to have shat upon.

We didn't have anything going on in Above DNA that night, so I really wish they had contacted us so we could have put their show on right next door to Pentagram, because that would have been hilarious. But I imagine they didn't want to be on the same block as those dicks.

Some recent photos:

Bootie: 80s vs. 90s
Point Break Live
The Dollyrots
Electric Bootie Carnival 2015
Also, please enjoy jwz mixtape 167. I keep forgetting to announce these here.


jwz mixtape 167

Please enjoy jwz mixtape 167.

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Current Music: as noted

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