Call of Cthulhu 1990s Handbook

The Invisible Pattern (Part 1)

Steve: I am pretty pumped to be running Call of Cthulhu. I wanted the 1890's version, but you insisted on the 1990's for some reason. [...]

Zack: At the height of his power, Kurt Cobain turns from grunge music to cosmic mysteries. He has some additional skills that will help him research the occult and use magic.

Steve: What about your other party members?

Zack: They are Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes and Eric Lynn Wright AKA Eazy-E.

Steve: Are they mercenaries?

Zack: No, they are amazing performers, but also a demolitions expert and a linguist specializing in ancient languages respectively.

Steve: How did they meet and form a group?

Zack: The 1992 MTV Video Music Awards. When Krist Novoselic threw his bass into the air and died on stage performing Lithium and they all joined forces to turn him into salt and resurrect him.

Steve: Did it work?

Zack: Not really. He's alive, but he came back changed. He's pretty much phoning in his performances and he eats mice.

It goes on like this for days:

Zack: You aren't planning to do anything [about Morton Downey Jr.'s Presidential run] until Left Eye receives an email message that can't be ignored. It comes from a guy named Remo Harris. Before Chili joined TLC, the C in the name stood for Crystal Jones, but it turned out Crystal Jones was a servant of the Mi-Go. While her brain was being transported to Pluto, Left Eye and T-Boz hired a specialist to deal with her. Former SAS Leftenant Remo Harris

Steve: Okay, wait a second, Crystal Jones was working for the Mi-Go? What about Chili?

Zack: She is an ancient wizard reconstituted from her salts in a ritual conducted by T-Boz. But that's not relevant to the plot here, the important thing is Left Eye knows and trusts Remo Harris.

Rough index here.

Previously, previously.

Tags: , ,

5 Responses:

    • John says:

      Who is secretly Billy Ray Osiris, High Herald of Nyarlathotep, whose smash hit "My Achy Breaky Ib" drove Egyptologists into a tizzy.

  1. james says:

    Parsons also has a series of articles on somethingawful.com (specifically, http://www.somethingawful.com/dungeons-and-dragons/) going back a few years that are pretty genius, as well. Especially the Rifts ones, because Rifts was the ne plus ultra of completely un-self-conscious batshit 90s rpgs.

    His book "Liminal States" is pretty great, too.

  2. james says:

    Aaaand, I didn't check the link before posting that. Sorry about that.

    In penance, here's his new site: http://thebadguyswin.com

  3. Thomas Foile says:

    I still want Yellowjacket Greenapple to be a thing that exists on Netflix.

  • Previously