Today in Haunted Vagina news: Babypod

"Babypod is the only product of its kind scientifically guaranteed."

The uterus is a place protected from the exterior, and it is the mother's body that carries out this protecting role through multiple layers of soft tissue. These attenuate the intensity of sound and distort it in its journey to the uterus; it's similar to what happens when you hear a conversation in the next-door room without catching everything that is said.

Can babies perceive sounds like we do? This is solely possible via the vagina.

The vagina is a closed space, so sound is not dispersed in the environment. In addition, there are less soft tissue layers separating the baby from the sound target, only the vaginal and uterine walls. By placing a speaker inside the vagina, we overcome the barrier formed by the abdominal wall and the baby can hear sounds with almost as much intensity and clarity as when emitted.

With Babypod, sounds reach the baby without distortion, almost as intense and clear as when emitted, as the number of layers that separate the baby from the sound target is lower.

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20 Responses:

  1. Lots of deaf babies

  2. Pavel Lishin says:

    Can't wait to show this to my wife.

  3. Ryan Russell says:

    It's wired, not bluetooth? What the heck?

  4. Hellen Keller says:

    My only question...
    Why are they only marketing it to pregnant women?

  5. Kai Ang says:

    Ah! I predicted this when I worked in Japan. Pregnant women would come to English classes so their fetuses would be exposed to the language in utero. I figured it was only a matter of time before someone figured out a more direct method of getting preferred audio into the ovens, so to speak....

    Another million dollar idea, missed. 😜

  6. I wonder if deep bass music causes orgasms?

  7. Thomas Lord says:

    There is no risk this will fuck up your kid's brain development. Your kid will be entirely as well adjusted as you!.

  8. jwz says:

    Come on, people, music-reactive dildos have been around forever. This doesn't even function as one of those! At least those have a discernible purpose.

    • Thomas Lord says:

      Wait, what if this is actually the key to creating a generation of super geniuses? Maybe the singularity is made of people with vagina speakers.

    • crtxc says:

      Can one sue for a speaker getting stuck in ones vagina after the speaker cable breaks?

      Ya, the multitasking dildo/music player is a better idea. That way your baby can be entertained while your entertaining yourself.

  9. Thomas Lord says:

    Romantic comedy premise: Stay-at-home nerd hooks up his pregnant wife's vagina speaker to a cell phone so he can chat with the fetus while she's at work. While she's at a tense meeting in the boardroom he calls but the volume is just a little too loud. Comedy ensues!

    Must include a scene with a feinting gynecologist. Also one involving scandalous misunderstandings in a lady's room.

  10. joe luser says:

    Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever. I'm really awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard.

    • Erbo says:

      Marx! We were supposed to be running Elementary Sex for the next hour! You put the Elementary Class Consciousness tape in by mistake! One more slip-up like this and it's Iceland for you...

  11. Gabriel Rosenkoetter says:

    When talking to your unborn child by flapping your meat just isn't high tech enough...

    Or, notably absent previously.

  12. MattyJ says:

    Baby's first words: "Bitch better have my money."

  13. This is not a great way to couple acoustic energy into tissue. So now I'm sitting here thinking about ways to improve this... and about how there is absolutely no good reason to do so.

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