- Howard the Duck
I mentioned six months ago that Howard the Duck is the best thing going on in comics right now, and it's still true. It's just so great! No, I don't understand how this is possible, either! (Well, I do, it's that Chip Zdarsky is fucking hilarious, but still.)
The "Gwenpool" backup feature is pretty amazing, too. (Apparently there's some comic where Gwen Stacy is Spider-Man -- I dunno, I haven't read it -- so the obvious next step is, what the hell, she can be Deadpool too.)
Fun fact: any time I try to type Howard the Duck, it autocorrects to Howard the Fuck because years ago I set "Fuck" as the completion for "Duck", having noticed that I never, ever type "ducking" but type "fucking" a lot. Fucking thanks, Howard.
- Phonogram: The Immaterial Girl
There's a new Phonogram! It's basically about the Take On Me video! And the ghost of The Long Blondes! Aaaaahhhhh it's so great! And after they said it was impossible to do another. "The bargain was for half of a girl's personality. You may see a loophole."
- Harley Quinn Power Girl
Ok, this is going to be hard to believe, but the Harley Quinn Power Girl miniseries is actually pretty funny. The backstory is that Power Girl got bonked on the head and has slight amnesia, so Harley took the opportunity to tell her that she had always been her sidekick. Hijinks ensue.
Some caveats: 1) It's not as funny as the 2010 Power Girl series, where she spends so much time punching out dinosaurs that it might as well be an Atomic Robo comic -- seriously, that series was great; and 2) I absolutely hate the way Harley Quinn is drawn (there is only One True Harley Quinn and that's the Paul Dini version from Batman The Animated Series. Likewise, the One True Joker is Mark Hamill and I'll fight anyone who says different). BUT: This happened, ok:
Yeah, that's Sean Connery as Zardoz. Then at some point they get really high and hallucinate for no reason that advances the plot (such as it is) in any way. I totally respect that.
- Sex Criminals
A couple of dorks have the superpower that when they have orgasms, they can stop time. Bank robberies ensue. It's 20% filthy and 80% cringeworthy, in a very Mortified kind of way. And there's some kind of Sailor Moon Spunk Ghost. (Speaking of which, you should also be reading Oglaf.) Don't skip the letters columns, where people write in with childhood tales of the first time they came across moldy piles of porn in the woods.
Wow, what happened? It's still ok, but I'm really kind of bored by Saga right now. It feels like everyone in it has been just bumbling around waiting for something to happen for a year.
- The Wicked and The Divine
Oh my god this is boring. It's by Gillen and McKelvie, who also do Phonogram, so I expected to love this but it is just so... Teen Paranormal Romance. I give literally zero shits about any of the characters, or the mythology, or who killed who, or whether any of them survive. Cartoon Annie Lennox was ok, but got killed off pretty much right out of the gate.
- Bitch Planet
It sounded like a decent concept -- The Handmaid's Tale as 70s women-in-prison exploitation movie, in spaaaaace -- but again, file it under no shits given for any character or plot elements. I've read more compelling ranty twitter accounts and you probably have too.
Drowning in a Chicken Ossuary
The woman tried to adjust a metal grate that was not properly covering the 6- to 8-foot-deep concrete tank when she fell into it. The guard screamed for help but no one responded, so she called 911 and held onto the top of the tank with her other arm, Marsh said.
"She was waist deep and sinking and didn't know how deep the tank was," said Marsh, who told the woman to put her cellphone in her pocket and to hold onto the top of the tank with both arms.
We Talked to a Witch Who Casts Viruses Out of Computers With Magic
Again, I just go in and work the energy. And there are different stones that work really well on computers, chloride is one of them. Also, some people really like amethyst for computers. It doesn't really work for me, but I'm psychic. So when I go into the room where somebody's computer is, I go in fresh, I step in like a fresh sheet, and I'm open to feel what's going on with the computer. Everything's unique, which is why my spell work changes, because each project I do is unique.
Sometimes I do a magic spell or tape a magic charm onto the computer somewhere. Sometimes I have a potion for the worker to spray on the chair before they sit down to work. Jet is a stone I use a lot to protect computers.
Tell me about a time when you successfully cleared a virus.
I got contacted by a small business owner in Marin county. She had a couple of different viruses and she called me in. First, I cast a circle and called in earth, air, fire and water, and then I called in Mercury, the messenger and communicator. Then I went into a trance state, and all I was doing was feeling. I literally feel [the virus] in my body. I can feel the smoothness where the energy's running, and then I feel a snag. That's where the virus got in.
Then I performed a vanishing ceremony. I used a black bowl with a magnet and water to draw [the virus] out. Then I saged the whole computer to chase the negativity back into the bowl, and then I flushed that down the toilet. After this I did a purification ceremony. Then I made a protection spell out of chloride, amethyst, and jet. I left these on the computer at the base where she works.
Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.