Good News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You First

"Should it be said that constables may not invade the buttocks of the citizenry?"

I imagine some of you, probably the non-lawyers, believed there were already some limits on cops yanking things out of your ass, or, for that matter, putting things in it, which is often a required precursor to such yanking. Technically there are such limits, though I'm sure somebody out there would be willing to debate whether the Founders ever contemplated, when crafting the Fourth Amendment, the possibility that the government they were creating might one day employ agents to look up citizen asses on a regular basis.

For why declare [in a Bill of Rights] that things shall not be done which there is no power to do? Why, for instance, should it be said that constables may not invade the buttocks of the citizenry, when no power is given by which such spelunking could be justified? I will not contend that such a provision would confer a regulating power; but it is evident that it would furnish, to men disposed to usurp, a plausible pretense for claiming that power.

Alexander Hamilton, Federalist No. 84 (first draft)

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, anuses, rectums, colons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place or buttocks to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

U.S. Const., amend. IV (rejected draft)

They probably didn't, partly because (1) there was no such thing as a police force at the time and (2) they assumed we would not all go completely insane in less than 300 years.

Previously, previously.

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The DeepDream Makeup Tutorial That Nobody Asked For

Previously, previously, previously, previously.

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Internet of Things as Applied Demonology

The price of the Internet of Things will be a vague dread of a malicious world

Volkswagen didn't make a faulty car: they programmed it to cheat intelligently. The difference isn't semantics, it's game-theoretical (and it borders on applied demonology).

[...] Test the energy efficiency of a lamp, and you'll get an honest response from it. Objects fail, and sometimes behave unpredictably, but they aren't strategic, they don't choose their behavior dynamically in order to fool you. Matter isn't evil.

But that was before. Things now have software in them, and software encodes game-theoretical strategies as well as it encodes any other form of applied mathematics, and the temptation to teach products to lie strategically will be as impossible to resist for companies in the near future as it has been to VW, steep as their punishment seems to be. As it has always happened (and always will) in the area of financial fraud, they'll just find ways to do it better. [...]

So the fact is that our experience of the world will increasingly come to reflect our experience of our computers and of the internet itself (not surprisingly, as it'll be infused with both). Just as any user feels their computer to be a fairly unpredictable device full of programs they've never installed doing unknown things to which they've never agreed to benefit companies they've never heard of, inefficiently at best and actively malignant at worst (but how would you know?), cars, street lights, and even buildings will behave in the same vaguely suspicious way. Is your self-driving car deliberately slowing down to give priority to the higher-priced models? Is your green A/C really less efficient with a thermostat from a different company, or it's just not trying as hard? And your tv is supposed to only use its camera to follow your gestural commands, but it's a bit suspicious how it always offers Disney downloads when your children are sitting in front of it.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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Mark your calendars

Upcoming events of note:

Tue, Oct 06:   Say Hi @ The Independent
Wed, Oct 07:   Garbage @ Fox
Thu, Oct 08:   Thrill Kill Kult @ DNA Lounge
Thu, Oct 15:   Vicereine @ DNA Lounge
Thu, Oct 15:   Wolf Alice @ The Chapel
Fri, Oct 16:   Autechre @ Mezzanine
Sat, Oct 17+18:   Treasure Island Music Festival
Sun, Oct 18:   Wax Idols @ Bottom of the Hill
Mon, Oct 19:   Bully @ Rickshaw Stop
Fri, Oct 23:   The Dollyrots, Go Betty Go @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Oct 28:   Tricot @ DNA Lounge
Fri, Oct 30:   All Hallow's Eve @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Nov 11:   Citizens! @ Bottom of the Hill
Thu, Nov 12:   Angelspit @ DNA Lounge
Fri, Nov 20:   Dragonette @ Popscene
Fri, Dec 11:   Health @ Independent

What have you got?

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DNA Lounge update

DNA Lounge update, wherein the planet has been sufficiently hacked.
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