Good News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You First

"Should it be said that constables may not invade the buttocks of the citizenry?"

I imagine some of you, probably the non-lawyers, believed there were already some limits on cops yanking things out of your ass, or, for that matter, putting things in it, which is often a required precursor to such yanking. Technically there are such limits, though I'm sure somebody out there would be willing to debate whether the Founders ever contemplated, when crafting the Fourth Amendment, the possibility that the government they were creating might one day employ agents to look up citizen asses on a regular basis.

For why declare [in a Bill of Rights] that things shall not be done which there is no power to do? Why, for instance, should it be said that constables may not invade the buttocks of the citizenry, when no power is given by which such spelunking could be justified? I will not contend that such a provision would confer a regulating power; but it is evident that it would furnish, to men disposed to usurp, a plausible pretense for claiming that power.

Alexander Hamilton, Federalist No. 84 (first draft)

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, anuses, rectums, colons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place or buttocks to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

U.S. Const., amend. IV (rejected draft)

They probably didn't, partly because (1) there was no such thing as a police force at the time and (2) they assumed we would not all go completely insane in less than 300 years.

Previously, previously.

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The DeepDream Makeup Tutorial That Nobody Asked For

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Internet of Things as Applied Demonology

The price of the Internet of Things will be a vague dread of a malicious world

Volkswagen didn't make a faulty car: they programmed it to cheat intelligently. The difference isn't semantics, it's game-theoretical (and it borders on applied demonology).

[...] Test the energy efficiency of a lamp, and you'll get an honest response from it. Objects fail, and sometimes behave unpredictably, but they aren't strategic, they don't choose their behavior dynamically in order to fool you. Matter isn't evil.

But that was before. Things now have software in them, and software encodes game-theoretical strategies as well as it encodes any other form of applied mathematics, and the temptation to teach products to lie strategically will be as impossible to resist for companies in the near future as it has been to VW, steep as their punishment seems to be. As it has always happened (and always will) in the area of financial fraud, they'll just find ways to do it better. [...]

So the fact is that our experience of the world will increasingly come to reflect our experience of our computers and of the internet itself (not surprisingly, as it'll be infused with both). Just as any user feels their computer to be a fairly unpredictable device full of programs they've never installed doing unknown things to which they've never agreed to benefit companies they've never heard of, inefficiently at best and actively malignant at worst (but how would you know?), cars, street lights, and even buildings will behave in the same vaguely suspicious way. Is your self-driving car deliberately slowing down to give priority to the higher-priced models? Is your green A/C really less efficient with a thermostat from a different company, or it's just not trying as hard? And your tv is supposed to only use its camera to follow your gestural commands, but it's a bit suspicious how it always offers Disney downloads when your children are sitting in front of it.

Previously, previously, previously, previously, previously, previously.

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Mark your calendars

Upcoming events of note:

Tue, Oct 06:   Say Hi @ The Independent
Wed, Oct 07:   Garbage @ Fox
Thu, Oct 08:   Thrill Kill Kult @ DNA Lounge
Thu, Oct 15:   Vicereine @ DNA Lounge
Thu, Oct 15:   Wolf Alice @ The Chapel
Fri, Oct 16:   Autechre @ Mezzanine
Sat, Oct 17+18:   Treasure Island Music Festival
Sun, Oct 18:   Wax Idols @ Bottom of the Hill
Mon, Oct 19:   Bully @ Rickshaw Stop
Fri, Oct 23:   The Dollyrots, Go Betty Go @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Oct 28:   Tricot @ DNA Lounge
Fri, Oct 30:   All Hallow's Eve @ DNA Lounge
Wed, Nov 11:   Citizens! @ Bottom of the Hill
Thu, Nov 12:   Angelspit @ DNA Lounge
Fri, Nov 20:   Dragonette @ Popscene
Fri, Dec 11:   Health @ Independent

What have you got?

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DNA Lounge: Wherein the planet has been sufficiently hacked.

I am absolutely amazed at how well our Cyberdelia: 20 Years of Hackers party went! Honestly, it was a somewhat last-minute idea: I knew the anniversary was coming up, and we had an open Friday within a week of it, so I sent a three-line email to the usual suspects saying, "Hey, let's throw a Hackers anniversary party, with a movie screening and a costume contest. Oh, and let's build skate ramps."

I thought 150 people were going to show up and we were going to have to cancel the costume contest because the only person in costume was gonna be me. But no! Not only did lots of people dress up, but the damned thing sold out! We also sold all of our table service booths, which usually only happens on New Year's Eve!

The skate ramps -- which, in case you didn't notice, were painted with Wipeout power-ups -- were the most contentious part, but I'm happy to report that A) nobody broke their face, and B) that was because it was so crowded that nobody could really do a lot of skating.

At the last minute, my crew tried to talk me out of building the skate ramps, on the grounds of them being difficult, expensive, dangerous and just a monumentally stupid idea, and they probably would have succeeded if I hadn't just read Steve Albini's screed on punk and capitalism that morning. "A bakery opens because a guy wants to make bread." Why are we here? We are here to do shit like building skate ramps down the stairs.

We had some inspired prizes for the costume contest, if I do say so myself. We included some blu-rays of the movie (donated by our similarly Hackers-obsessed friends at Adafruit), but I also trolled eBay for some great stuff. We had an original Hackers press kit, some original posters, a stack of issues of 2600 from 1995/6, and the best part, the first prize winner walked away with a stack of the books discussed in the movie: The Green Book, International UNIX Environments; The Orange Book, Computer Security Criteria DOD Standards; The Pink Book, Guide to IBM PCs; The Devil Book, Unix Bible, The Dragon Book, Compiler Design; and the Ugly Red Book That Doesn't Fit on the Shelf, NSA Trusted Networks. So he's all set up to learn some things and become Nineties Elite.

So obviously we're going to do it again. Stay tuned. We will probably do a different movie next time, but the conceit will still be that you are watching that movie before partying at the club Cyberdelia as depicted in Hackers, and the music will be mid-nineties electronica. So basically we're hoping to make Cyberdelia be our irregularly-scheduled "Nineties" party. Lots of people have thrown nineties parties, but those folks all seem to think that that means Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys and similar top 40 nonsense. I don't go to those parties because that's not the nineties I gave a shit about: the nineties dance music I remember was Fluke, Chemical Brothers, Orbital, FSOL and Photek. And I guess some of you agree.

Anyway, check out the photos, and if you have more, let me know! There has also been a lot of hacker chatter on the Facebook event.

In Codeword news: I don't have any very interesting photos from the last few weeks, but the windows are in, the stainless steel on the walls behind the kitchen is nearly done, and basically things are pretty close to being finished -- except for our HVAC system (the kitchen hood, and the two runs of ductwork that have to go four stories up to the roof). That subcontractor is being a huge flake and is probably going to be the weakest link who delays our opening date by weeks. Hooray.

Photo dump!

Toxic Summer
Who Ha
DJ Starscream
So Stoked: Freak Show
Kid Cadaver

Hubba Hubba 9th Anniversary
Body Language
Black Pussy

The Lucky Eejits
Monday Hubba

Plus, a lot of Bootie (I believe the proper collective noun for that is a "buttload"):

Bump Bass Bounce
Michael Jackson
Retro Night
Shabbat Shalom Motherfuckers

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