The Fake Orca of Astoria has failed in his mission to end a plague of sea lions.

"Our crew from the port had to go rescue the operator so he didn't drown."

The fiber glass orca captivated the world as a solution to the growing number of sea lions who have taken over Astoria's docks, blocking locals from their boats. But when it finally launched this morning after engine trouble delayed its inaugural float, the once-proud fake orca, which was actually a boat with a man inside, was pushed over by the wake of a passing ship.

And he would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.

Previously, previously, previously, previously.
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4 Responses:

  1. Jason McHuff says:

    "Previously" we in Oregon tried to blow up a beached whale. That didn't go so well either. See

  2. KC Crowell says:

    This sounds like a ridiculous idea until you actually live on a dock infested with those nasty fuckers. God I hate sea lions.

  3. KC Crowell says:

    Oh man I just remembered our other boat is in Astoria right now. I should text them and ask for firsthand pics of this guy's orca boat.

  4. mattyj says:

    There's nothing worse than having your nanny prepare a champagne brunch for two, pack it in a picnic basket, have your driver bring you to the marina only to find out your boat captain is at the other boat, then arriving there to find a goddamned sea lion on the dock.

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