Reviewing movies I haven't seen:

jwz: So the new Jurassic Park is set in the present day, two decades after the first movie?
kingfish: Yes.
jwz: And the outside world knows about it, this genetic tech isn't secret or anything?
kingfish: Right.
jwz: So the outside world is full of people with feathers, night vision chibi eyes, esoteric genitalia?
kingfish: No, not so much.
jwz: Everyone has a tiny pet dinosaur, at least?
kingfish: Nope.
jwz: Miniature giraffes?
kingfish: Nope.
jwz: They have developed and marketed a breed of cats who aren't dicks?
kingfish: Not even that.
jwz: I'm sorry, without people with feathers, there's no way I can take this movie seriously.

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15 Responses:

  1. Jim Sweeney says:


  2. Jim Sweeney says:

    The killer was "Friendly Cats."

  3. James says:

    If reasonable people don't stand up for hard science fiction, it's all magic wands and invisibility cloaks.

    • callmenerdly says:

      I may be missing something here, but surely you mean high fantasy and not hard science fiction.

  4. Pavel Lishin says:

    To be fair, they probably don't show China in the new movie; that seems like the nation that would fast-track feather technology to its citizens.

  5. k3ninho says:

    Jamie, if there's one thing I, one Herbert Derp of The Internet, ever ask you to do, it's take the following bet:

    The. Finale. Is. Worth. Seeing.

    (So obviously there's plenty of ridiculous build up to it and a general bypass of the imagination with ill-thought-through plot setup, sure. Beyond that, it has a portion of spectacle on a par with Fury Road for 'Am I seeing this on the cinema screen?!?')


    • Ben says:

      In digitally colorized photos, why is the shirt or jacket always blue?

      • billw says:

        Why are lizards green, flames orange and the sky blue? The jacket matches my Harris tweed, my rarely worn, Sunday-go-to-meeting best. Also, true to barefoot and beltless hippie creed, my only formal wear.

  6. Owen W. says:

    Pretty sure I saw Esoteric Genitalia on the Robot Heart bus last year.

  7. gryazi says:

    Better late than never:

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