Deploying snark

BTW, I feel that you should mock the stupid fake award they gave DNA -- "Best Place to Wear Costumes" -- WTF??
I dunno, I think mocking it would sound like sour grapes.
But that's as bad as the award they gave us in 2003, "Best Place to See an Electronic Duo Score My Dinner with Andre"
Read it, it's unbelievably stupid. It shits on every event it can, and mentions Hubba is for the "burlesque and steampunk" crowd. Because you know, that's a thing.
Did we really win nothing but "costumes"?
Unless DNA started making beard wax SF Weekly is dead to all of us.
I'm at the party now. It I'd terrible. It's also about half the number of people from last year, and next to nobody cool. Entertainment so far was a band who I assume were very sad gold miners, and they moaned and wailed and played their olde timey instruments, and then 3 acts by Hubba Hubba... Which scared most of the crowd into perverted silence.
I feel like SF Weekly has turned a corner... And not a great corner.
Perverted Silence is my new butoh troupe. We're premiering at Paul's.
Your butoh troupe would be a huge improvement on this party.
Objectively I can tell you that the next 2 generations don't know how to have fun.
I'm not saying they're having fun a different way, because they aren't. They just look confused and ask the guys at the rotisserie chicken truck if they have vegan options.
Vegan story: real.
Right now there's a band playing that sounds like the music from an 80's cop comedy.
Sax... O... Phone.
Kinda want to post this transcript.
Don't name me, I still have to work with these people. :)
Just say it's your agent on the ground.

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Eat Nanotubes, Shit Kevlar

Spiders Ingest Nanotubes, Then Weave Silk Reinforced with Carbon

The team then used a neat trick to introduce carbon nanotubes and graphene flakes into the spider silk. They simply sprayed the spiders with water containing the nanotubes or flakes and then measured the mechanical properties of the silk that the spiders produced.

"We measure a fracture strength up to 5.4 GPa, a Young's modulus up to 47.8 GPa and a toughness modulus up to 2.1 GPa," say Lepore and co. "This is the highest toughness modulus for a fibre, surpassing synthetic polymeric high performance fibres (e.g. Kelvar49) and even the current toughest knotted fibers," they say.

In other words, giving spiders water that is infused with carbon nanotubes makes them weave silk stronger than any known fiber.

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That owl is a jerk.

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Skin Job

The Lean Muscle Suit provides a nice, slender tone and build for a more natural and realistic look and feel. Available in our full range of colors (shown here in Beige).

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"Is there a term for when you think a girl is really hot, until you find out that she's vegan?"
Me: "That's called a Butter Diet."
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Avengers 2 is exactly like a large bucket of concession-stand popcorn: it seems great at the time and you just keep shoveling it down because wow, popcorn is delicious, and then you get to the bottom of the bucket and you're thinking, "Oh god, why did I eat that whole thing, what the hell is that artificial butter flavoring made of, anyway?" and then you remember it's misogyny.

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Penis Worm, Trump Hair

Carnivorous penis-shaped worms could turn their mouths inside out and drag themselves along by their teeth:

They were voracious predators, gobbling up anything that crossed their path, including worms, shrimp and other marine creatures. The phallic-shaped animals, officially known as priapulids, emerged during the 'Cambrian explosion', a period of rapid evolutionary development about half a billion years ago, when most major animal groups first appear in the fossil record.

"Modern penis worms have been pushed to the margins of life, generally living in extreme underwater environments," added Dr Smith. "But during the Cambrian, they were fearsome beasts, and extremely successful ones at that."

Donald Trump's hair discovered crawling in Amazon:

This crazy, hairpiece-looking clump of yellow fluff is actually a rare caterpillar that only looks like Donald Trump's hair.

Interestingly, and coincidentally, approaching the Donald Trump Caterpillar (scientific name: Megalopyge opercularis) can be very dangerous, particularly if you come in contact with the business end of its yellow mane.

"If you touch that thing, it would seriously hurt," Torres, a field biologist, told the UK Daily Mail. "It has these little hairs that can poke into your skin and release a venom."

Just like the real Donald Trump. How uncanny!

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  • Previously