Dirtbag Aslan

Mallory Ortberg:

"Why, sir?" said Lucy. "I think -- I don't know but I think I could be brave enough."

"Because you're like fucking six years old," Aslan said.

"I -- " Lucy began.

"Fine, though," Aslan said, visibly irritated. "Take your shitty dagger and join the battle, where everyone else has magic and spears, let me know how far you get before someone stabs you right in the lungs."

Lucy didn't move.

"I'm not kidding around," he said. "Go stand in the front line."

Lucy moved, trembling, to join the other soldiers.

"Does anyone else have shit to say about my presents I got them," Aslan asked.

No one did.

Previously, previously.

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