The Church of Robotron is a mobile training facility that uses hazardous environments, religious indoctrination, and emotional triggers to promote the development of the skills necessary to survive in a hostile post-human environment. We hope to use our field installation to educate and indoctrinate people about the robot uprising in progress. We know that superior machines exist, we know that they have already decided that the human race must be destroyed, and we know that the only way to convey this knowledge is with a visceral and even spiritual ordeal. The savior of our species must be identified and trained; the tragic sacrifice of legions of subjects is the burden that we must shoulder, lightened only by the willingness with which they volunteer for their grisly testing. Please, read our literature, attend a sermon or two, tell your friends, and when the time comes, report to an orientation session. Survivors will earn the exaltation of a grateful humanity. The mightiest will experience the glory of the leaderboard and receive useful items. Thank you, it is only with your selfless dedication that hope survives.