• Snoop Lion's creperie sponsored by Target and Morgan Stanley will be constructed in a hot air balloon circling the UT Tower!!! RT to RSVP!
• Bon Iver will be crying while discussing the majesty of breakfast tacos during Tumblr's Feelings Showcase! RSVP by spitting on an iPhone 4!
• A support group for unverified Twitter users will be held at Maggie Mae's! Please attend, you're still technically a human being! #SXSW
• #SXSW party tip: The only cover charge is your soul
• .@thefader SCHED: 1 PM - John Mayer insult comedy tour 2:30 PM - Bassist from The Strokes tries cello for 1st time 5 PM -New Apple ringtones
• #SXSW party tip: RSVPing is much more fulfilling than attending
• #SXSW party tip: Your dignity is worth about one and a half free beers and a koozie
• Imagine Dragons and Adam Sandler will be hosting a benefit concert to promote the Kickstarter for Enron 2!! RSVP by like, needing brunch!!
• #SXSW party tip: The person you're talking to definitely wants to hear more about bitcoin. Just keep talking about bitcoin.
• BREAKING: Kanye West is going to be sticking it to the patriarchy at Wal-Mart's Goldman Sachs party brought to you by Oil!
• Mark Zuckerberg will be shooting a money cannon at whoever 3D prints a Facebook user! RSVP by googling whether it's OK to like Macklemore!
• Coke is paying Zooey Deschanel and Lana Del Rey to look bored while playing recorders by Town Lake! RSVP by caring so much about not caring!
• Tinder is throwing a shallow pool party at Zilker Park! RSVP by referring to yourself as Time's 2006 Person of the Year in your Twitter bio!
• She & Him are staring inquisitively at the "Hi How Are You" Frog mural for the next 9 hours! RSVP by being self-conscious about your fedora!
• Ke$ha is giving a TED Talk from a moving limousine entitled "Hydrofracking of the Mind"! RSVP by vajazzling a buddy! #SXSW
• Gary Busey will give a lecture titled "The Peanut Butter Monsters Want To Kidnap Me!" in the 2nd floor bathroom of LBJ library, 3rd stall

Previously, previously, previously, previously.