Movie studio capitulates to Christians who complained about "historical inaccuracies" in Noah, a film about a man who fit all the animals ever into a single boat, sans provisions, and lived.

Scott Eric Kaufman:

"God, why did you create so many fucking idiots?"

Given that I also write for The Onion, I feel I should point out that this article is not from The Onion. But if we were better people -- did less of that awful sinning against the Lord and stuff -- we could live in a world where it would be.

(Also, the movie looks like a giant stinky turd.)

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Then the bike seat says, "Can you rub some of that bug powder on my lips?"

Clem Chen:

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"A comedic satirical sci-fi pop-musical based on the theories of Ray Kurzweil and other futurists. It's the story of two Miami girls and how they deal with the technological singularity, as told through as series of cinematic tweets."

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