Dirtbag Hamlet

Mallory Ortberg:

A GHOST appears
GHOST: have you ever listened to Sublime
HAMLET: [makes j/o motion]

CLAUDIUS: who drew this dick on my face
HAMLET: does your face not always look like that

GERTRUDE: Hamlet I invited some of your friends over
HAMLET: [smoking] theyre not my friends
i wish i were dead

GHOST: hamlet you must avenge my death
HAMLET: i dont have to do anything
youre not even my real dad
GHOST: yes i am
HAMLET: whatever

GHOST: have you killed Claudius yet
HAMLET: no
GHOST: why
HAMLET: fuck you is why
im going to the cemetery to touch skulls

Enter HAMLET, skateboarding
OPHELIA: My lord, I --
HAMLET ollies over OPHELIA's head
HAMLET [offstage]: we were never dating

GERTRUDE walks down the hallway. Enter HAMLET, skateboarding.
HAMLET: SLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
(HAMLET skates backwards) UUUUUUTT

LAERTES: Ophelia is dead
HAMLET: damn
LAERTES: she drowned herself
HAMLET: thats metal
i knew she was cool

(HAMLET draws a dick on his face)
HAMLET: ahaha
(He dies)

Previously, previously, previously, previously.

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Field of fucks, historical edition

Previously:

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Cuddly!

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Rule 34, meet Kafka

Charlie Stross:

It turns out that the British equivalent of the NSA, GCHQ, has been spying on Yahoo webcam users. And they're a bit upset by what their Optic Nerve program revealed. For starters, it turns out that 3-11% of Yahoo! webcam traffic involves "undesirable nudity". [...]

I am still trying to get my head around the implications that the British government's equivalent of the NSA probably holds the world's largest collection of pornographic videos, that the stash is probably contaminated with seriously illegal material, and their own personnel can in principle be charged and convicted of a strict liability offence if they try to do their job. It does, however, suggest to me that the savvy Al Qaida conspirators of the next decade will hold their covert meetings in the nude, on Yahoo! video chat, while furiously masturbating.

(Yup, that's pretty much what my weekly management meetings are like.)

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Batman versus The Terminator


Previously, previously.

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  • Previously