Summing up years of work in one sentence.

Pretty much all of these are amazing.

Shooting people makes them unhappy.
International Security, Tufts

Female condoms are cool. Also, Foucault.
Anthropology, Brown

We dug a lot of holes and still don't know if measuring beryllium in dirt is useful, but it does cost a lot of money.
Geology, Amherst College

Looking for a reason to give up on humanity? Study climate change. That shit isn't changing back.
Environmental Studies, New York University

A mathematical theory of discarding irrelevant crap when making a team decision.
Electrical Engineering, Stanford University

Went fishing for proteins associated with cancer... still fishing.
Chemistry and Chemical Biology, University of Melbourne

The way fire risk at nuclear plants is assessed is bad and we should feel bad. Also, someone please pay me to fix it.
Reliability Engineering, University of Maryland

You can turn Mill into an anarchist if you really try.
Philosophy, University of Minnesota

Wild chimpanzees drink when they are thirsty
Biology, University of Neuchâtel

Wild chimpanzees may or may not eat honey
Biology, University of Eastern Finland

When a space rock goes in front of a star, you can't see the star again until the rock moves.
Astrophysics, Williams College

I Know It Makes More Sense To Relate Contemporary Appropriation to Duchamp's Bicycle Wheel but I'm Going to Make My Life Much Harder and Relate It to Nude Descending A Staircase
Art History, CUNY

Moby Dick is the hero of 'Moby Dick.'
English, Northwestern

Vortex currents off a wing have weird effects on other wings AKA apparently helicopters shouldn't work.
Mechanical Engineering, Colorado State

Soon enough, we'll all be wearing smocks.
Fashion Design and Management, Parsons The New School for Design

Your Favorite Color is Your Favorite Color Because You Like Things That Are Of That Color
Psychology, Princeton University

Your burial typology is bad, and you should feel bad.
Anthropology, University of Mississippi

Rich douches use Super PACS to buy elections so screw voting, there's no point.
Political Science, University of California, Berkeley.

Art sucks, it doesn't work
Art History, Florida State University

The freezer was too cold and fucked up my sample DNA, so here is 20 pages of literature review.
Biology, Stanford University

Male friends in Shakespeare were actually sex-radical feminists, but only if you're horny.
English, University of Pennsylvania

My code doesn't work. I have no idea why... My code works. I have no idea why.
Computer Science, McGill University

Emily Dickinson wrote about the clitoris a lot, and maybe S&M people fail to pick up on this because she mostly narrates it through birds.
English, Fordham

Coding is just really intelligent copy-paste.
Computer Science, Illinois

We told the DoD they could put guns on it so they gave us money to build this robot.
Mechanical Engineering, Harvard