THE WILLIE BROWN BRIDGE MUST BE DESTROYED.

Sacramento's Collective Indifference Just Renamed A Landmark

This morning in Sacramento, the herd of water buffalo we refer to as the "State Senate" collectively decided that the west, city-facing span of San Francisco Bay Bridge shall henceforth be known as the Willie L. Brown Jr. Bridge.

Going against popular opinion, those people chosen to represent all of California shook our faith in a bicameral legislature by first voting 68-0 in the state Assembly and then 26-7 in the Senate. Unlike previous bad decisions, we can't blame this one on the rest of the state. Mark Leno and Leland Yee, San Francisco's chosen representatives in the State Senate, both voted in favor of calling it the Willie L. Brown Jr. Bridge, even though, in practice, we're almost certain they never will.

What comes next? Hand-wringing. Blog posts. Alcoholism, probably. But after that there's a lawsuit already in the works that formalizes our collective complaints and calls the state legislature out for fastracking the bill even though renaming a bridge was hardly a pressing matter. The effort is hopeful, but you'll forgive us if we don't have a lot of faith in its success.

And then there's the signage: because we the taxpayers mercifully won't be footing the bill for this one, the money for the signs declaring the new name will be privately funded. Which means theres another opportunity to curry favor with Willie and another sponsorship opportunity for Subway sandwiches.

This is some serious bullshit. Signing the petition will give a bit of ammunition to the lawsuit. Maybe.

Previously, previously.

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14 Responses:

  1. Rosy Rouge says:

    Alcoholism, probably?

    Definitely!

  2. Mark Welch says:

    How hard would it be to start a ballot initiative?

  3. Jeff Bell says:

    Per the official guidelines, Willie Brown must be deceased.

    • Mole says:

      Fuck that guy. I will only refer to it as the Emperor Norton bridge.

    • MattyJ says:

      True, but those that have to follow the guidelines also can rewrite the guidelines or make exceptions.

      My guess is that if this travesty actually comes to fruition, the signs will constantly be defaced and torn down by concerned citizens. One would hope.

  4. Line Noise says:

    I at least get some satisfaction from the fact that over here in England "willie" means something completely different.

    • Ben says:

      Does it mean penis? Because it means that here too. See also the names Peter, Johnson, Dick, Wang, Dong, and Roger, sort of.

  5. Phil says:

    This attitude is precisely why DNA lounge does not get government subsidy like Slim's.

  6. Chas. Owens says:

    Does this mean we have to kill Willie Brown now to make it legal?

  7. Anthony says:

    You're all just racist.

    Or that's what Willie Brown is saying now.

    As someone who has had the ill fate to drive home across that bridge every day, I think we should call it the "Willie Brown Permanent Traffic Jam". That way, Brown's political career can be appropriately memorialized.