Wilma! Where'd you put my electric drill!

Exhibit A:

Sensor-Embedded Teeth for Oral Activity Recognition:

This paper presents the design and evaluation of this in- mouth oral sensory system, which uses a small accelerometer sensor embedded inside artificial teeth. Our motivation was based on our observation that most oral activities, such as chewing, drinking, speaking, and coughing, each produce a unique teeth motion. By recording and identifying teeth motion profiles for each oral activity, the proposed oral sensory system builds classifiers that distinguish different human oral activities. [...]

Figure 1(b) shows a small breakout board with a tri-axial accelerometer sized 4.5 mm x 10 mm. This small breakout board is sufficiently small to be embedded inside a removable artificial tooth, as shown in Figs. 1(a) and 1(c). To ensure that this sensor board is safe and saliva-proof for human mouth placement, we carefully coated the sensor board with dental resin. In actual system deployment, this sensor board would include a small Bluetooth radio capable of wirelessly transmitting sensor data to a nearby mobile phone for data analysis and oral activity recognition.

Exhibit B:

In his seminal 1990 paper, Dr. Biafra observes:

Didn't I just read
About how the cops are getting parents
To plant bugging devices
In their kids teeth
So if they disappear they can track 'em
Before they wind up on the backs of milk cartons
And all that -
And didn't I read
That these devices can go two-way
And everything that I do or say
Is all goin' on tape somewhere right now
Planted in my cavities
And they didn't even tell me
No wonder every bad thing
In and out of my mouth
Keeps winding up on my employment record
All those fillings
All those crowns
I'll show them
Who's boss of my big mouth
Where's the pliers
God dammit! Where's the pliers?!?
Wilma! Where'd you put my electric drill
This is all coming out right now - TODAY!

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8 Responses:

  1. anyfoo says:

    That looks like something I'd pick with my tongue all the time.

  2. Thank you for the Lard reference. That was some good music.

  3. Jon Konrath says:

    Trying to figure out the possible teledildonic uses for mouth-based sensors. Remote proxy blowjobs?

  4. Dennis says:

    Pull 'em out Twelve Monkeys style.

  5. MattyJ says:

    It would be fun to read the outrage when someone suggests implanting RFID chips in teeth.

  6. phuzz says:

    Parents will be doing this to their kids within 10 years, probably some Saudi royal brats will be the first.


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