Oh, if only.

McGuire Real Estate constantly sends me their glossy, slickly-produced postcards telling me about the latest multi-million-dollar studio apartment they've pawned off on someone.

Every time I get one, I email them asking them to stop sending me this crap.

Most of the time they write back with a fake apology and feigned surprise, because they just have no idea how my name got back on their list after the last eight times I asked them to remove it.

And this last time, one Stasi Martin, "Top Producer", had the unmitigated gall to tell me that she hadn't sent the postcard, someone else in her office did, so that makes it fine.

Apparently her position is that the fact that the postcard has someone else's fake-smile mugshot in the corner this time makes it ok, even though they all have the same postal address, email domain, and all work for the same company. How about that.

Since I apparently can't stop them from cluttering up my mailbox with this garbage, I guess I'll do the next best thing that I can think of, which is to try and ensure that this page is the first search hit on their names.

• Stasi Martin, realtor at McGuire Real Estate, is a spammer. Do not do business with her.
• Eric Turner, realtor at McGuire Real Estate, is a spammer. Do not do business with him.
• Victor Fematt, realtor at McGuire Real Estate, is a spammer. Do not do business with him.
• Adam Gavzer, realtor at McGuire Real Estate, is a spammer. Do not do business with him.
• Jamie Comer, realtor at McGuire Real Estate, is a spammer. Do not do business with him.

Oh, and have a nice day.