According to a survey conducted last month, your partnership ranks as the second most doomed on your block, behind the couple who stand on their lawn and shriek at each other. Yours is statistically guaranteed to end three years sooner than that really attractive woman's, the one who recently moved in across the street and is home a mere 32 percent of the week. Of the 16 occasions you've peered through your blinds and noticed her walking to her car, she is on the phone with her boyfriend 53 percent of the time and there's an 91.5 percent chance that it's serious. [...]

Ultimately, please don't give me too much credit for this accumulated data. Although 0.0 percent of your mutual friends were willing to say anything, 93.9 percent of them saw this coming from the start.