Look at that lady's face. I'm sorry, nobody in the history of fisting -- whether fistee or fister -- has ever made that damn face. That's a beatific expression reserved for occasions like "a new delivery of wainscoting" or "a perfectly seasoned shepherd's pie" or "the third consecutive 67-degree day this week" -- not "becoming your own human hand puppet." This picture belongs on the album cover for Pure Moods for Fisting. (Also, what's up with the blue background? It's like a lazy day in the Fortress of Solitude.)
It may not surprise you to learn that the Wikipedia entry for Godzilla Bukkake just redirects to Crooked Little Vein.
"In all of our tests we found we were able to immediately stop bleeding," says Landolina. "Your skin has this thing called the extracellular matrix," he explains. "It's kind of a mesh of molecules and sugars and protein that holds your cells in place."
Landolina synthesises his own extracellular matrix (ECM) using plant polymers, which can form a liquid when broken up into pieces. He says, "So it goes into the wound and the pieces of the synthetic ECM in the gel will recognise the pieces of the real ECM in the wound and they'll link together. It will re-assemble into something that looks like, feels like and acts like skin."
Interestingly, Veti-Gel doesn't just stop bleeding but seems to initiate the healing process. "It works in three ways," says Landolina. "The first way is it works as a tissue adhesive," he explains. "It actually holds its own pressure onto the wound so you don't have to do it. Secondly, when it touches the blood, it does something called activating Factor 12."
This activates fibrin, which is the polymer you need to make a blood clot, explains Landolina. "Finally, it activates platelet cells." The gel causes these to bind to the fibrin, causing a tight seal. Landolina says the speed at which this process happens is what triggers the healing process. "We don't have all the testing to back it up yet -- but it should allow it to heal faster over time," he says.
He says, "The gel is what we call a platform technology, it's very biocompatible -- your body recognises it, and you can mix just about anything into it. We're doing tests to see if we can actually make it work for healing wounds that won't heal by adding in therapeutics or drugs; you can put antibiotics into it, you can put just about anything you want into it."
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Cameroonians and Nigerians -- people from places "where they have multistory buildings" -- were seen as particularly well versed in the business. "You see how advanced Cameroon is?" someone said. "It's because they are so strong in commerce of all kinds, including in genitals and scalps." The stolen organs, my companions said, are sold to occult healers for use in ceremonies, or else they are quickly fenced back to victims of penis snatching for a price. But the real money was to be made in Europe. One man who had spent some time living in Cameroon said he had heard of a woman there who was nabbed by airport security while trying to smuggle several penises to the Continent inside a baguette.
I asked the town doctor what he thought. Could he help the victims? He shook his head slowly -- as if trying to gauge how much I believed about the whole affair -- and then responded, "Western medicine is no match for this magic. It is a mysterious thing."