"Aspiration Therapy"

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The AspireAssist gives patients control over their weight loss by a method known as Aspiration Therapy. With Aspiration Therapy, patients "aspirate" (drain) a portion of their stomach contents into the toilet after each meal through an endoscopically-implanted tube, reducing the number of calories absorbed by the body. The tube is implanted in the stomach, and leads to a small, low-profile port at the surface of the skin. Aspiration performed about twenty minutes after a meal will remove about a third of the calories consumed.


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11 Responses:

  1. Doctor Memory says:

    Perhaps never in my life have I been so grateful for flashblock.

    • Misha N says:

      @Doctor Memory: Agreed!

      This sounds like a terrible idea -- it doesn't address the problem of people consuming too much.

  2. James says:

    "skinport"

    My saving throws to disbelieve aren't going the way I'd like today.

  3. Joe says:

    Shame they're wasting the aspiration. Users could also solve non-FWPs by letting the hungry suckle on their aspirator. They could even charge if they just got done gorging at a high-end restaurant.

  4. Seth Gordon says:

    The Romans had a much simpler way of accomplishing the same thing.

  5. Joel says:

    I think there is an untapped market that would buy this as a means to ingest from a tank of nutrient rich slurry. Eating through the mouth is so inefficient.

  6. Tim says:

    Why stop at one skinport? You could install six or eight of them in parallel, like nipples. Tom Six should be all over this.

  7. Matthew Reeves says:

    "I see they've installed your skinport already."
    "Don't be angry. Everyone gets one here."

  8. Ted Mielczarek says:

    Bravo to the copywriter who had the guts to describe having a tube routed from your stomach to the outside world as "minimally invasive".

  9. Jeremy Leader says:

    Eh, Dr. Beaumont did this years ago! Though the new technique is much neater than a shotgun...

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