The Benefits of Metal and Diapers

Man gets sick benefits for heavy metal addiction

A Swedish heavy metal fan has had his musical preferences officially classified as a disability. The results of a psychological analysis enable the metal lover to supplement his income with state benefits.

Because heavy metal dominates so many aspects of his life, the Employment Service has agreed to pay part of Tullgren's salary. His new boss meanwhile has given him a special dispensation to play loud music at work.

"I have been trying for ten years to get this classified as a handicap," Tullgren told The Local.

"I spoke to three psychologists and they finally agreed that I needed this to avoid being discriminated against." [...]

But his sessions with the occupational psychologists led to a solution of sorts: Tullgren signed a piece of paper on which his heavy metal lifestyle was classified as a disability, an assessment that entitles him to a wage supplement from the job centre.

"I signed a form saying: 'Roger feels compelled to show his heavy metal style. This puts him in a difficult situation on the labour market. Therefore he needs extra financial help'. So now I can turn up at a job interview dressed in my normal clothes and just hand the interviewers this piece of paper," he said.

'Adult baby' Stanley Thornton Jr. will still receive Social Security checks following probe

Social Security will keep spoon-feeding disability checks to a California man who wears a giant diaper and lives as an "adult baby."

Stanley Thornton Jr. says that the federal agency has cleared him of wrongdoing after a probe into his disability claims began after his bizarre appearance on National Geographic television earlier this year.

Thorton wrote on his website that he receives disability because he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, attention-deficit disorder, depression, bipolar disorder and other ailments - not because he chooses to live as an adult baby.


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The Invisibles, 1995.

Kieron Gillen writes:


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DNA Lounge: Wherein we get some press, and the Internet is leaking.

Hey, check out this great profile of our bartender Jared in the Examiner!

DNA boasts creative cocktails to fit the clientele

DNA Lounge Cocktail connoisseurs may be surprised to learn that subtlety is on the menu at the South of Market dance club and concert venue. Bartender Jared Williams has carved out a niche for himself, mixing drinks as boldly individualistic as the club's clientele.

Also, what is this I don't even:

The Tumblr Takeover: Digital Nostalgia in Nightlife and Fashion

To the untrained eye, many of Parker's photos may just look like an unfinished round of Photoshop play by someone with a good sense of humor and a love for mid-90s Internet graphics. However, to any Tumblr fashion enthusiast, they would be immediately identified as decidedly seapunk. Seapunk is both a genre of electronic music as well as a style of dress and graphic design, created entirely online by a small group of social media enthusiasts and music producers. The music incorporates elements of 90s and early 2000s R&B, pop and rap music over generally downtempo electronic beats. The fashion aesthetic is a mashup of a variety of street wear and punk styles, with an emphasis on goth staples reworked with bright colors and tropical themes.

Parker and Adam, along with San Francisco DJ Marco de la Vega, are the curators behind a new monthly event, #Y3K, which merges this digital culture with the nightlife. As their first event description on Facebook stated, they are "merging the URL with the IRL." [...] "I've been doing club photos for about eight years now, and I used to always slap the club logo on them, which people thought was really cool back then," Parker explains. "That isn't cool anymore. Now I'm creating a new way to brand an event that people are really into."

Ok, first of all, slapping giant club logos on photos was never cool.

Anyway, I thought "seapunk" was just making fun of steampunk (that is, goths who painted their New Rocks brown) but now people think it's... a... thing? And it's about like Sorayama dolphins or something, rather than the corsets-and-ukeleles crowd? And that's what they think our Y3K party sounds like?

Y3K started out as kind of witch-housey, but now it's just unsubtly-ironic hiphop to my ears. Apparently I'm out of the loop.

Y3K is taking December off, but the next one is here on Fri, Jan 11.

This all again reminds me of the suppressed decade known as 19A0 and the Phantom Time Hypothesis:

Mixtape of the Lost Decade:

Evidence is mounting that points to a "lost decade" between what we now remember as the 1970s and 1980s, a time whose full cultural trauma and resulting suppression from memory was so complete as to effect itself even on the living. [...]

The space: do we not all feel it? The space. It may be said that the consumer cultures of the 1980s and 1990s, successively exhorting us to embrace artifice and then soul-crushing blandess, were manufactured to "cure" the residual confusion and cultural inconsistency that resulted from the methods used to effect mankind's collective psychic displacement. The hidden "space," however, manifests itself in curious ways -- the obsession with youth and physical condition in those born in the 1960s and 1970s; oddities in climate change data; the apparently freakish pace of economic change in what we believe now to be the 1980s; and so forth. [...] Likewise, no-one familiar with the Lost Decade hypothesis can fail to grasp the religious significance of shutter shades.


SOMA Nature Walk: Is it in yet?

That right there is a lot of rebar going into the ground:

And there's still a lot of your dirt in boss's hole:

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Teratoma Stocking Stuffers!


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Sentient Kitchen

Fleshy Kitchen Accessories by Christine Chin:

Ok, that starts out pretty good, but nothing we haven't really seen before, right? But then there's the video:

So yeah, the milk jug actually lactates. And there are kittens.


Her Genetically Modified Foods Cook Book is pretty good, too.

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Cuddle Therapy

Travis Sigley:

A pioneer of the worldwide cuddling revolution, Sigley fancies himself a cuddle practitioner and intimacy educator.

A firm believer in the healing power of touch, Sigley founded his business, Cuddle Therapy, three years ago out of his home. His wide array of clients hire him for hour-long cuddling and meditation sessions, during which he will talk to them about anything they desire (or simply remain silent).

But Sigley doesn't want to stop at one-on-one cuddling appointments. He's aiming to bring his brand international, starting with partnerships with other cuddle practitioners and a "cuddle road trip" planned for early next year.

Best part:

Q: If you could cuddle with any person, living or dead, who would it be?

Now I figured he'd go with, "Abraham Lincoln. Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger." But no:

A: I think it would be fascinating to cuddle with Nikola Tesla. He is not only a sheer genius based on his countless gifts and inspirations to science technology, he also lived a celibate life through its entirety. I'd be so interested what it would be like to truly feel Nikola Tesla, and what his internal world must have felt like.

The Serbian judge gives this answer a 7.5.

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I have Herped the Derps.

You may have noticed the HERP DERP checkbox above my blog comments, here. It may make things more tolerable. If you are so moved, you can also herp all the derps on your own WordPress blog.

You're welcome.


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DNA Lounge: Wherein there are itty bitty photos, and the legal system fails us.

An excerpt from one of our recent Yelp reviews:

Left the club for a second and the security guard told me I was too drunk to come in? Bitch, you don't know me.

Ah, Yelp.

We got some nice press on a couple of recent shows: Kim Boekbinder and Trash Talk. And they come with photos... well, such as they are.

I brought my camera to the Kim Boekbinder show, and I looked around and saw no less than four people with SLRs frantically shooting every second of the show, so I thought to myself, "Oh good, I can watch the show instead of shooting it!"

Yeah. So these are the only photos I got. And they're tiny.

Then there's the Trash Talk ones: there were four acts and we get ten photos, and they're 450×300 pixels. I don't know about you, but my four-year-old computer has a 2650×1440 screen. Who thinks it's ok to publish a 450px-wide photo these days? (The photos in the other set aren't much bigger, either.) Here, lemme give you a little schematic of what that looks like on my screen:

Seriously, what year is this?

I guess my recent enthusiasm for our new photo pass regime was premature.

Also I love that the SFBG site goes out of its way to make it hard to copy the photos, because heaven forfend someone might "steal" that postage stamp from them. I had to do "Inspect Element" to get the URLs, oh the indignity.

(Update: The first photographer from the Trash Talk show sent me more and larger images, yay! And I just got some from a second photographer, too. So that's great. My criticism of SFBG's postage-stamp site stands, though.)

Fun fact about the Trash Talk folks: any room they are in smells strongly of weed even when nobody is smoking weed. I assume that every piece of gear they own is imbued with it. Seriously there was nothing in the room but road cases and it already reeked up the place.

In other fun news, you may recall our policy of arresting and prosecuting any taggers we catch destroying our property. We've got two cases outstanding currently, and you would simply not believe how slowly the wheels of so-called "justice" turn on this shit. No wonder nobody ever prosecutes these shitbags: nobody is as stubborn as I am!

So this isn't about noted shitbag Kyle Neesan -- we still have no recent updates on his case -- but is about a tagger that we arrested in 2011 by the name of Frank Diamos, age 23. After more than a year, Barry's ritual of weekly calls to the DA's office asking for a status update resulted in this reply:

From: Marc Massarweh, SF Assistant District Attorney

I'm sorry for the delay in responding. I was attempting to track down the officer that deals with graffiti warrants. I do now have more information for you though. It looks like the case was cited as a Misdemeanor, came to our office and was sent to Neighborhood Court. Apparently, as you know, the subject did not appear at his Neighborhood Court. Usually when that happens the case gets forwarded back to the Misdemeanor Charging attorney or down to the head of Misdemeanors to be charged if we are still within the charging timeline. If we are not, the case is forwarded back to the police station from where it originated to have the officers there prepare a warrant to go out and re-cite or arrest the suspect. We have one year from the date of the crime to charge a Misdemeanor case.

Here, I'm not sure where the disconnect occurred, but it appears none of those steps took place in a timely fashion. Whether the case never went back to the Charging Deputy to be charged, or the case never went back to SFPD or SFPD never drew up a warrant, I do not know. It does appear, however, that the case slipped through the cracks, and since the one year timeline has lapsed, our hands are unfortunately tied in regards to this case.

I am very sorry for that piece of news and will discuss the issue with my supervisor to make sure we can prevent this in the future. I know that does not help you in your particular case, however, I offer my apologies and hope that if I can do anything else you will not hesitate to call or email.

Please let me know if you would like to be put in touch with the supervisor of the Neighborhood Court division and I can do so.

Again, I am sorry.

As long as he's sorry, I guess justice has been done, huh?

Let that be a lesson to you, local business owners: the next time you catch someone vandalizing your property, just go Batman on their ass, take them around the corner and beat the living shit out of them. Even if you get arrested, apparently if you choose to just not show up for your court date, the DA won't even notice.


You may return to your homes. The Maple Syrup Gang has been captured.

3 Arrested in Massive Maple Heist

Three people have been arrested and five others are being sought in connection with the theft from a warehouse in Saint-Louis-de-Blandford.

Two-thirds of the syrup was recovered. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which bills itself as keeper of the global strategic maple syrup reserve, said in August that up to 10 million pounds of the sweet stuff was in the warehouse from which the theft occurred but could not say exactly how much was missing. The total value of all the syrup in the warehouse was put at $30 million.

The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check of the warehouse, which "had been secured by a fence and locks, and visited regularly," federation president Serge Beaulieu said in a statement in August.

The barrels that originally contained the syrup were empty, meaning it was somehow transferred to other containers to complete the theft, the federation said.

Police said Tuesday that they had seized vehicles that were used to transport the stolen sticky stuff as well as carts, lifts, scales and kettles.

They said their investigation of the thefts covered the provinces of Quebec, New Brunswick and Ontario as well as the northern United States. Almost 300 people were interviewed as part of the investigation, police said.

I remind you again that the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve is a thing that exists.


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