Phase one: collect underpants.

People would go to the Catacombs and treat him as the patron saint of big cocks.

Finally a newlywed woman came to see him because she was married to a guy who was not well-endowed. She took a cloth and rubbed it on the mummy's dick, and then rubbed it on her husband's dick. The next time she had sex with her husband, his penis seemed larger and fuller and she was about to orgasm except that at that moment she looked up and saw it was actually the ghost on top of her. Everyone thought she was crazy, but then it happened again the next time she had sex. They had to set up an exorcism for this ghost.

How does one expel a penis ghost?

They had a blacksmith make a tight-fitting sheath made of metal, and once the husband got erect the ghost came out and got caught in the codpiece. They threw holy water at him.


I actually have a friend from Sicily and one of these sex ghosts turned out to be her great uncle! That was the ghost who was accused of stealing women's underpants. So it's real. Or at least he's real, whether his ghost stole women's underpants or not.

Wait. He was stealing underpants?

They kept finding women's panties behind a particular mummy. They would get stashed there, like trophies. Finally, a girl called the police and said she'd been having visions of a ghost entering her home. He would proposition her and when she turned him down he'd steal her panties. The monastery accused the girl of planting the underwear there herself, but then they set up a test, and sure enough another pair of undies still appeared behind the mummy.

How does one deal with an underwear-stealing ghost?

Someone went to the mummy and told him they would bury him in the ground unless he stopped stealing underpants. After that no one's underpants disappeared.

Does this kind of thing still happen?

There's a really bizarre story from the 20th century, about a guy who had severe diarrhea and chronic flatulence. He stole a skull and started saying prayers to St. Roch and St. Sebastian, the patron saints of plague and suffering, and also shitting on the skull daily. He had a theory that by crapping on the skull he could switch intestines with the body the skull had been attached to. The ghost kept warning him, quit shitting on my skull. But he kept at it and he succeeded in transferring his intestinal problems to the ghost. The problem was that the ghost had died of testicular cancer, and in return he gave that to the guy. That's how he died. One of the dangers of necromancy is you don't really know who's on the other side or what they're going to give you in return.

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2 Responses:

  1. Adolf Osborne says:

    Lesson learned: Before shitting on the head of the deceased, first ensure that they died of something pleasant.

  2. Joe says:

    This must explain TSOL's drummer on Code Blue.

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